Running
by Drifting17
Summary: What if the Willow Incident had happened just before Sirius ran away from home? Would he still go to James' house, even though he's still mad at him? Would James turn him away? This is just my take on what could've happened. (Sirius-centric, mostly; Rated T for language; the summary isn't that great).
1. The Incident

**This chapter is just kind of an intro, but it covers the Willow Incident. I'm not sure if I think this is really what happened, but it's a version of it. I always like reading all the different versions. Hope you enjoy. It's just over 3,000 words, not too long. :)**

* * *

"We've already used that prank, we should think of something fresh," James said, absent-mindedly twirling his wand in his hand.

The Easter holidays were right around the corner, and the common room had a relaxed atmosphere. Even the teachers had stopped assigning as much homework this week, as they knew they would just be rewarded with half-assed attempts, rushed at the last minute.

In their usual corner of the common room, 4 boys were talking in quiet voices. Anyone who had known the Marauders long knew that this was not a good sign. When they talked in hushed voices, it usually meant they were planning something. And the thing they were planning was usually a prank.

"We could do something tomorrow," said Peter.

"Nah, not tomorrow," Sirius replied. "Did you forget what day it was?"

Peter looked confused for a moment and Sirius gestured with his head to Remus.

"Oh, full moon, I forgot, shit, sorry, Remus,"

"It's fine," Remus replied, smiling slightly. He was already starting to feel a bit tired. Each full moon was a lot easier now that Padfoot, Prongs and Wormtail were there. He could actually keep some of his human conscience, and remember most of the night, but he still felt tired either side of the moon. He was glad Spring was here and the nights were getting shorter.

"We should do something on the last day, we probably won't get detention then," Peter suggested, leaning forward in his chair. As much as he enjoyed pranking, he hated detention.

"We'll just get detention after the holidays," Remus said. Sure, he seemed the most reserved and sensible out of the group, but to anyone who really knew him, he was just as big of a prankster as James and Sirius.

"But I like the idea of doing something on the last day, Peter," Sirius said thoughtfully as Peter's eyes lit up at the acknowledgement. "Really go out with a bang."

James nodded, grinning. "Maybe even a literal one," he joked, remembering the fireworks prank they had done last month. Sirius grinned back at him mischievously, remembering it too.

"I can't wait to go home, school has been stressing me out lately." James said, leaning back in his chair and mussing up his black hair with his hand. It was an O.W.L. year, so the work was endless. It would be nice to get away from the stress.

"Me too. I always want to come back after a few days, but I really miss being at home." Remus replied. He was going to stay at Hogwarts during the Easter break to study for his O.W.L.'s, but decided against it after his mother sent him a package with her home-made cupcakes and homesickness set in.

"We're going to Ireland," Peter said excitedly. "I've only been once before, but it was great."

Sirius looked down at his hands. As much as he wanted his friends to be happy, he hated it when they talked about their time at home. It wasn't that he felt jealous, more envious of how wonderful their parents all seemed to be and how happy their home life was.

It was the complete opposite for him, and he hated it.

He would've stayed at Hogwarts during the Easter holidays, but his parents had insisted he come home, as there was a family gathering over the holidays and he had "better show up and not embarrass us". He would've ignored them and not gone home, but as much as he hated to admit it, he was scared. Because even if he ignored them then, he would still have to go back during the summer, and it would be ten times worse.

"PADFOOT!"

"Huh?"

"We've been saying your name for like a minute, you were zoned out," James said, laughing. "Are you okay?"

"Oh, shit, sorry," Sirius replied, forcing himself to grin. "I guess my dog-like hearing didn't pick it up."

"You idiot."

Sirius grinned for real this time.

"C'mon," he said, rolling off the couch he had been slumped on. "Let's go up, it's kinda late, and it's Monday tomorrow."

"Not like you to go to sleep before 4am, Padfoot," James said. It was a running joke between the Marauders about how Sirius was always awake in the middle of the night. Usually, it was because of nightmares. He used to wake his friends up with them, but ever since he had learned the silencing charm in 2nd year, he put that up around his bed. Of course, sometimes it wore off, but that was rare.

They always went to bed a bit earlier the night before the full moon. They would need that energy for tomorrow night.

"Aren't deers supposed to hibernate?"

James and Remus looked at him for a moment, before cracking up with laughter.

"That's hedgehogs you fucking idiot," James said between laughs.

"Oh," Sirius said, trying and failing to not join in the laughter. "Same thing."

* * *

"Can we GO already, I'm so boooooored," Sirius said, pacing backwards and forwards in their dormitory.

"Just bloody wait half an hour, Padfoot, the moon hasn't even risen properly yet," James grumbled. He was in the middle of an intense game of Exploding Snap with Peter.

"I hope Remus is alright," he said, running his hand through his past-shoulder length black hair and glancing out of the window. No matter how much James told him that worrying wouldn't solve a thing, Sirius' mind was still on Moony the whole time he was gone.

"He'll be alright, Pads, don't worry about it," James said a bit more softly. "He goes through this every month."

Sirius sighed and flopped on the bed.

"If you're bored, run down to the kitchens and grab us some snacks for when we get back," James said, playing another card. "You can take the cloak if you want, it's in my trunk."

Sirius glanced at James' trunk, which was buried under a wreck of clothes, Quiddich gear, and Honeydukes sweets. He raised his eyebrow.

"I'll go without."

He slipped out into the corridor, which was deserted after curfew. He walked through the halls quietly, making his way down to the kitchen. He had done this so many times, he didn't even need to think about where he was going. He jumped the trick step with ease, turned down into the last corridor and was almost at the portrait of the pear when someone shoved him back into the wall. He flinched automatically, remembering situations at home, and glanced into the darkness.

"Scared of me, Black? Not so brave without your friends, are you?"

 _Snivellus_. Figures.

"Fuck off, Snivelly," Sirius said, straightning. He was thinner than Snape, but a little taller when he stood up straight instead of slouching.

"What are you doing here, all alone?"

"I could say the same for you."

"You're always mooching around school, up to something. Isn't tonight the _full moon_ , Black? Where's your little Prefect friend, Remus? Or _Moony_ , as you lot call him?"

Sirius' eyes widened. He absolutely hated Snape, he thought angrily. Always following them around, seeing what they were up to. How could he possibly know about Remus' condition? They were always so careful not to talk about it in public.

"What are you even talking about, Snape? Go run back to your dungeons." He said, trying to keep his face passive.

"Seems a little suspicious, doesn't it? He's always "sick" the day after the full moon."

"His mother is sick, he has to go visit her. Not that it's any of your business."

"Always knew there was something wrong with him. Always knew he was a monster f-"

"YOU SHUT UP ABOUT REMUS." Sirius yelled, forgetting about being quiet. He was so angry he was shaking, his hands clenched into fists.

"I'll figure out where you lot are going every full moon, always hanging around the Willow. I'll have him expelled. I'll have all of you expelled."

"You wouldn't see the knot if it was _right under_ your _massive fucking nose_ , Snape!"

"The knot?" Snape said, thinking. Sirius' eyes widened. _Shit_. "Got it." Snape said with a grin, shoving Sirius against the wall again and running off. "Thanks a lot, Black."

 _Shit_ , Sirius thought, panic setting in. What had he done? Sure he hated Snape, but he didn't want him dead. _He probably won't be brave enough to even try going down there,_ he thought, trying to calm himself down. Merlin, he was such an idiot. He had to do something. He had to do something quick, instead of standing here dithering in the empty corridor. James! _James will know what to do,_ he thought, setting off at a run.

* * *

He ran all the way back to the Gryffindor common room, not even trying to be quiet now. He rushed up the stairs and ran into the dorm, where James and Peter were playing Gobstones.

"What took you so long? Did you bring some stuff?" Peter asked.

"I- Prongs, I, Fuck," Sirius said, panting out of breath. "Snape- Snape knows how to get into the Willow, he knows- he knows about the knot, Prongs, what-"

"What? How does he know that? HOW DOES HE KNOW ABOUT THE KNOT?"

"I told him there was a knot and-"

"You TOLD him? What is WRONG with you, Sirius? Shit." James said, shooting out of the dorm at a run.

"What kind of friend are you?" Peter said to Sirius, who was standing there, white-faced.

In truth, Peter didn't really like Sirius that much. He saw how close he was with James, and he felt kind of jealous. Why didn't James listen to HIM that avidly? Why did he always feel like the fourth wheel in his own group of friends? And Sirius, with his perfect life. The Blacks were one of the richest wizarding families in all of Britain, and all he did was complain about them, or dodge the subject. He was so ungrateful. Peter secretly hoped that this would drive James and Sirius apart, then maybe HE could take Sirius' place as James' best friend. He was so sick of being overlooked.

"I'm getting McGonagall." Peter said. Sirius didn't even reply, he was just staring blankly at the spot where James had been. _Fine_ , Peter thought, as he left to get the professor.

* * *

Twenty minutes later, four boys were sitting in Professor Dumbledore's office in front of the headmaster and a very tired, very shocked looking head of year.

"You're- you're not going to expel Remus, are you?" Sirius asked quietly.

"No. Remus is not the one at fault here." Dumbledore said.

"What? That's stupid. That beast almost killed me!" Snape said indignantly.

"Remus is NOT a BEAST!" James snapped.

"Sirius," Dumbledore said, turning to the very pale-faced boy on the end. He looked up into the headmasters piercing stare. "Can you recount for me exactly what happened?"

"I was on my way to the kitchens to get some snacks, and Sniv- S-Snape shoved me against a wall. He said it was suspicious how Remus was always sick after the full moon, and he asked- he asked why he always went down to the Willow. And we started arguing. And I can't remember exactly what it was I said but I told him where the knot on the tree was, and he ran off," Sirius said softly. "I didn't- I didn't mean to. I'm sorry."

"Alas, I am not the one you should be apologising to. I think that is a conversation better saved for the morning, with Remus himself."

Sirius nodded, letting his eyes drop to the floor again.

"And you, Severus? Can you recount what happened?"

"I bumped into Black here in the corridor, and I asked him what he was doing. He said "It's none of your business, Snivelly," and I asked him if it was anything to do with the full moon. I've been following them, see, Professor. I knew they were up to something. One of them skulking off every full moon. Alwa-"

"Why don't you get a life, Snape?" James said, angrily.

"Let's not get off track." McGonagall said.

"Right. Anyway. I mentioned about the Willow, and he told me that to get down into the tunnel, you need to press a knot at the base of the tree, which stops the branches swinging. So I did. I went straight there and it worked, and I got down into the tunnel, and I got a glimpse of that monster just before James got cold feet from their little prank and came running after me."

"He's not a monster!" James and Sirius said simultaneously.

"James wasn't in on this. It wasn't even a prank. It was all my fault." Sirius said.

"I bet you've been wanting to see me go down there for months. Get mauled by a bloody wolf. You'd love that."

"Severus, please." Dumbledore said. "Now, James and Peter, could you recount what happened?"

"Sirius came running in," James began. "He said Snape knew how to get into the Willow, he said he'd told him how. So I ran straight there and found Snape at the end of the tunnel, he was just stood still, I think he was in shock. I tried to get him to come with me, but he wouldn't, I ended up levitating him out of the willow, and that's when you found us. I guess Peter just went straight to you, Professor, after I left."

McGonagall nodded.

"Thank you." Dumbledore said. He looked older, somehow, James thought. Perhaps it was because it was nearing 4am by this point. Moony would be going crazy, in there alone for the first time in so long. He would feel it in the morning. James glared at Sirius.

"Well, I am sure you will be relieved to know that Remus will be fine. Nothing will come of this, though we will have to tell him in the morning.'

"Severus, I must implore you to keep this to yourself. If word of Remus' lycanthropy gets around, he will be forced to leave school. Please do not jepordise his education and chance at a future for something so petty."

Snape frowned. He felt angry, he couldn't believe Dumbledore had let a full fledged werewolf into the school. But he wouldn't dare go against Dumbledores word, so he nodded. "Fine."

"Thank you." Dumbledore said. "Now. Ordinarily, I would deduct points for this kind of behavour, Sirius," He said, turning to Padfoot who looked up at the mention of his name. "However, I do not want to draw attention to the issue. Besides, I think that James here has shown an extensive amount of courage, and I believe he would have earned them back for this."

Snape grumbled as Sirius looked down, ashamed. Merlin, he just wanted this day to end. He wished he could just go hide in a cupboard and cry himself to sleep. He couldn't even bear to think about facing Remus in the morning. He would not be angry, he would just be... disappointed. And in many ways, that was worse than if he had just yelled at him.

"Sirius, I hope you have understood the full extent of what could have happened. Had Snape made it further, Remus could have bitten him. Severus would be doomed to the same life as Remus, and you know how guilty Remus would feel about such a fate. Worse still, he could have died, resulting in the Ministry stepping in. I assume you know what happens if a werewolf kills a person?"

Sirius' eyes widened. He hadn't thought of that.

"Yes", he said, in barely more than a whisper. They got put down. He had almost killed Remus and Snape, he had almost become a murderer. Merlin, what have I done, he thought. I'm just like my family.

"James, Peter, Severus, you may leave now. Please do not let this remain on your minds for too long. No harm has been done, and we cannot dwell on the possibilities."

They nodded, and left, Peter saying "Goodnight, Professors," as the door swung shut.

Sirius tensed up as he was left with the two professors. He knew they weren't his parents, he knew they wouldn't hit him, but part of him was still scared. He hated himself for what he had done, and at this point, he felt like he would've deserved it anyway. But when he looked up and saw the disappointed expression on McGonagall's face, that was almost as bad as when he was in trouble at home.

"Sirius." Dumbledore said.

"I- I'm really sorry," Sirius said softly. Usually when he was sent into the office for a prank, or whatever else they had gotten up to, he kept his confident mood up. But this time he knew he had really done something wrong, and he just felt empty.

Dumbledore sighed. "I know. I do not condone what you have done. I expect better from you of all people, Sirius."

Sirius looked away, biting his lip. _Don't cry_ , he thought.

"But I am sure there is more to it than this. It is not the end of the world." Dumbledore paused. "Ordinarily, we would have suspended you for this. However, as the holidays are in 3 days anyway, I believe detentions will suffice. You will report to Professor McGonogall's office at 7am sharp each morning, to do whatever detention she assigns. Then you will have breakfast and attend your classes for the day, and report straight back there at 4pm to do your homework. After dinner, you must go straight back there for your final detention. Understood?"

Sirius nodded.

"Good. I do not expect this again, Sirius. I will be writing to your parents tomorrow."

"No!" Sirius said suddenly. "I mean- please, don't tell them. I won't do anything like this again, I swear, just please don't write to them."

"I cannot bend the rules, Sirius."

He panicked. They were going to kill him when he got home. He closed his eyes, willing himself not to cry. You're 16, stop it, he thought.

"Now, I think it is time we all went back to bed." Professor Dumbledore said, beginning to leave the room. "Think about what you have done, Sirius Black."

Sirius wondered if he had imagined the emphasis on his surname as Dumbledore left, swallowing back tears that were threatening to fall as he stood up too and looked at McGonagall.

"Sorry," he said, wiping his eyes quickly as she gave him a concerned look.

"Go to bed, Mr. Black." She said, leaving the room, leaving him alone.

* * *

 **Well, that's it for this chapter. Please let me know what you think! I'll try to update tomorrow or the day after, if people like it. Next chapter will have Sirius confronting Remus in the hospital wing, and then going home. I think all in all this story will have about 4 chapters. Anyway, I hope you liked it, please leave a review if you did! Or if you didn't. Constructive criticism is always cool with me.**


	2. The Aftermath

**Thanks so much to Training to be a fangirl for your review!**

 **This chapter covers up until the train ride home, including Sirius confronting Remus about the incident. Hope you enjoy!**

Sirius trailed back to the dormitory in silence. He finally had 3 friends, people who didn't hate him because he was a Black, or because he was a blood-traitor, or some other reason, and he still managed to fuck that up. He didn't pass anyone in the corridors, thankfully. He didn't think he could face conversation right now. He was suddenly so exhausted, and he felt like he would break any minute.

When he reached the portrait of the fat lady, he stopped, staring blankly at her. He didn't think he could face James tonight. He wasn't sure if he could ever face him again. Shaking his head, he half-turned away, resolving to sleep in an empty classroom.

 _Running away again, you coward?_

Sirius shook his head, trying to get rid of the voice in his mind.

 _You're a Gryffindor, act like it._

He sighed and turned back to the fat lady, who was staring at him with a questioning look. " _Audacia,_ " he mumbled, clambering through as it swung open. The common room was deserted, thankfully, as he made his way up to the 5th year boys' dormitory.

"What the FUCK is wrong with you, Sirius? Do you have any idea what you've DONE?" James yelled as soon as he walked in. He flinched at the loud noise and looked down at the floorboards. There was a pause.

"WELL?"

"I-"

"LOOK AT ME." James yelled, and Sirius flinched again, remembering his father saying those exact words. He looked up slowly into James' furious glare.

"Prongs-"

"No. You don't get to call me Prongs any more, Sirius. You're not our friend any more, and you never will be again. That was too far."

"Pr- James, I'm really sorry," Sirius almost whispered. "I didn't think-"

"You're right, you didn't think. You didn't think _twice_ about giving away Moony's hiding place, using him as some kind of sick weapon against Snivellus." James said, stopping before lowering his voice. "You're just like your family." James spat angrily, shaking his head. It briefly crossed his mind that he might regret saying that later, but for now he didn't care. He was pissed right off.

Sirius' eyes widened, and James could see the self hatred start to wash over as the light in them dimmed. Usually, James would do anything and everything to cheer Sirius up when that happened, but not today. Not now.

"I'm going to bed." James said, sighing, his anger draining. "C'mon, Peter."

Peter, who had been watching the argument avidly, felt overjoyed at James saying his name. Maybe now he really WOULD be James' best friend. He couldn't help feeling a little bad for Sirius, but hey, he deserved it.

Sirius stood, staring blankly, until James and Peter had gotten into bed and drawn their curtains. Then he changed and climbed into bed himself, and buried his face in his pillow, contemplating everything that had happened.

 _Blacks don't cry_ , his mothers sharp words echoed in his head. But he couldn't help it. He stayed like that, silently letting his pillow soak up his tears, until he fell into a troubled sleep.

* * *

He woke up at 6am with a yell. He usually had nightmares, but not always this bad. And usually James came running over to see if he was alright, but not today. _Not ever again_ , Sirius reminded himself, as he waited for his heart to slow down, shaking and running his hands through his hair.

Sunlight was just beginning to peek through the hangings of his bed, so he decided he might as well just get up, even though his head ached with tiredness. Wiping his eyes, he got changed into yesterdays robes and didn't even bother brushing his hair as he left the dorm and headed straight for the hospital wing, grabbing a bar of Honeydukes Chocolate as he passed his trunk.

Remus was asleep, of course, the night before would've taken its toll on him. Suprisingly, he wasn't as injured as Sirius imagined, but he was still covered in scratches and had a sore looking gash on his arm. _That's going to scar_ , Sirius thought. _That's going to scar and it's all my stupid fault._

Quietly, he approached Remus' bed, dropping the Honeydukes on to the bedside table.

"Moony," he whispered. The sandy haired boy didn't wake. "Remus, wake up," he said a little louder.

The tall lycanthrope began to stir, opening one eye. "Padfoot? What are you doing here so early? Let me sleep."

"Rem, please, just stay awake, I uh- I have to tell you something,"

Remus' eyes shot open, panic setting in.

"Oh Merlin, who did I bite? Who did I kill? Did-"

"No, no, it's nothing like that, nobody is hurt, everyone is fine," Sirius said quickly, cursing himself for making Remus panic like that. Remus relaxed a bit, panic slowly draining from his features.

"What happened? Where are James and Peter?" He asked, more calmly.

"Well..." Sirius began, and reluctantly told Remus almost the same explanation he'd given Dumbledore late last night.

He watched as Remus' jaw set. The worry he had shown earlier was gone, replaced with an unreadable expression.

"What exactly did you say to Snape?" He asked in a cold tone.

"I can't remember, I just, he said he'd been following us around, and I think I told him where the knot was, it was- it was kind of a moment of anger. Dumbledore made sure he won't tell anyone, though."

"Sirius," Remus began, and Sirius' heart broke at his weary tone that always made him sound so much older than 16.

"I'm so sorry, M- Remus, I really, really didn't mean to hurt you! I didn't even mean to hurt Snape! It was just a moment of absolute stupidity and I don't expect you to forgive me," Sirius said, wrapping his arms around his stomach as if to protect himself from something. "Just- please know that I'm really sorry, Remus, and I swear, I would never, ever do anything like that ever again,"

Remus shook his head slowly.

"Go to class, Sirius."

"Bu-"

"I just need some time to think."

Sirius nodded slowly and backed away, leaving the hospital wing with his shoulders hunched. As Remus lay back down ready to go to sleep, he noticed the bar of Honeydukes next to his bed.

"Merlin, Sirius," he said, rolling his eyes and shaking his head. "What on Earth have you _done_."

* * *

Three days passed and none of the Marauders talked to Sirius. He sat behind them in class, avoiding their gazes and drawing more and more into himself every time he saw them laughing together or planning a prank.

Every now and then, Remus or James would glance at Sirius worriedly, but Peter was quite content. Although it turned out Remus and James became the new best friends in the group, Peter felt much more included. There was less prank pulling, which meant less detention, and he didn't admit it, but it felt kind of nice seeing Sirius so depressed. _It'll get him off his high horse_ , Peter thought.

Sirius skipped lunch and dinner, hating eating alone, watching them all eat together, avoiding the confused glances of his classmates as they asked each other what he was doing alone. For breakfast, he went down early, sometimes before the tables were even laid, and quickly ate a piece of toast or a bowl of cereal before retreating to an empty classroom to smoke a cigarette or five and brood. Every time he saw a sleek black owl with a letter in its claws, he panicked, anticipating one of his mother's howlers. When none came, he wondered if Dumbledore had simply not written to his parents, or perhaps (and he tried not to think about this) if she was simply biding her time and waiting until he came home.

All 4 boys were currently in their dormitory on Saturday morning, for the first time since the Incident, not counting when they were asleep. James, Peter, and Remus were packing, but nobody was talking. Sirius sat cross-legged on his bed, staring at his half-empty trunk, desperately not wanting to go home. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw James staring at him, but he avoided his gaze, not wanting James to yell at him again. Sighing, he closed his trunk, deciding to just leave most of his clothes here. He had some clothes at home and besides, he figured he would just be stuffed in dress robes for the entirety of his holiday. He wished he didn't have to go back to Grimmauld Place. He would trade anything to just stay at Hogwarts, even if his friends hated him, even if he was all alone. Anything was better than being back there.

James was worried. Not because he had lost his watch and his mum would not be happy. Not because his trunk was probably too heavy to lift onto the train. Not because Lily had rejected him for the 328th time this year. No, he was worried because of his ex-best friend.

Sirius was staring at his trunk dejectedly. James knew he hated going home, but he didn't really know the full story. From what he gathered of little snippets Sirius would tell him sometimes, the Blacks were not nice people. Their heads, settled permanently up their own asses, were full of Pureblood ideals and social hierarchy, the stuff they tried to cram down their son's throats when they were younger, and still tried to now.

He also gathered that they didn't treat Sirius very well. He already knew from her howlers that she called Sirius some awful things, and as much as Sirius laughed it off and pretended he didn't care, he did. James knew it got to him, dented his already low self-confidence, which he tried to mask over with false arrogance. His fake smile was stretched to breaking point and his laugh was a little too high, a little too manic.

He wouldn't sleep those nights.

He wondered if something else went on, too. After Christmas break, Easter break, and especially Summer break, Sirius would be jumpy for a few days. He would flinch if a hand was raised within 3 feet of him, and the nightmares he had were so fierce, sometimes he would sneak up coffee from the kitchens just so that he didn't have to sleep.

He was about to say something to Sirius, when he closed his trunk with a sigh and went into the bathroom. James closed his mouth, not knowing what he was going to say anyway. He was still angry with him about the Incident, knowing how hurt Remus was by it. He shook his head and continued packing until his trunk would only just shut, looking forward to going home despite it all.

 **Thanks for reading! The next chapter covers Sirius going home, and deciding to run away. I'll try to upload it today or tomorrow, because I've already started writing it. That's why this chapter wasn't quite a long as the first one, I wanted to separate these into different chapters.**


	3. Leaving

**This chapter is over 7,600 words, I started writing it yesterday and I got super carried away. It was meant to be split into two chapters, but oh well. There's some violence in this one. I hope you enjoy reading it!**

 **And thank you to 3 guests for anonymous reviews. :)**

* * *

The rush of the train died down, once people had found their friends and found their compartments and stowed away their trunks for the journey. Sirius sat in the corner of a compartment occupied by a 7th year couple who were too wrapped up in themselves to notice him.

Meanwhile, James, Peter, and Remus had their usual compartment to themselves. Everyone except the first years knew it belonged to them, if not because they were always in there, then because they had stuck a piece of parchment with the words "The Marauders" on the wall with a strong sticking charm. But today, the atmosphere was subdued and quiet, not at all like their last journey to Hogwarts was.

"Anyone want a game of exploding snap?" Peter asked, desperately trying to bring the mood back to normal. Remus politely declined and James didn't even answer. Peter sighed and settled down for a long, boring train ride, taking out a box of Honeydukes Honey-Flavoured Honeybees and scoffing them in silence.

As the train slowed down and pulled into Kings Cross Station, people started scrabbling to grab their trunks and and cloaks, and began looking out of the windows assiduously, trying to spot their parents in the crowd of waving adults and younger siblings.

James, Peter, and Remus, who always waited for the rush to die down before leaving the train, stood up and stretched. Remus and Peter lifted their trunks down from the overhead storage, and James, whose trunk had been too heavy to lift, picked his up from the ground. The three made their way down the empty train corridor, and stepped outside, thinking they would be the last ones off the train. However, when they got to the exit, they found Sirius standing next to it, biting his lip anxiously. He hadn't seen the other three Marauders, and James didn't even acknowledge him, looking away pointedly. The other two followed his lead and stepped out on the platform, scanning around with their eyes narrowed. Families were starting to leave the platform now, but a fair few still remained, hugging and talking and laughing. Peter spotted his parents instantly, his Muggle mother staring curiously at a family who apparated in mid-air.

"See you guys in two weeks," he said to Remus and James, waving at his parents.

"Bye, Peter,"

"Have a good holiday,"

And with that, he left, smiling as his mother enveloped him in a hug.

James and Remus looked around. Only a dozen families remained now. James spotted Sirius' parents, standing with Regulus, sneering at everyone else with a haughty expression. Both his mother and father were quite tall, taller than his parents, though his mother was wearing extremely tall heels and his father stood in a way that made him seem above everyone else in the room. Sirius' father looked somewhat similar to him, especially the grey eyes, though he had obviously gotten his face shape and slimmer build from his mother.

"James, over here," Remus said, tugging at his robes and pointing to his parents who were talking to the Lupins. They made their way over, grinning.

"Oh, James! My goodness, look how tall you've gotten!" His mother said, hugging him tightly.

"You only saw me at Christmas, mum, it was only a few months ago," James replied, returning the hug and grinning.

"Have a good term?" His dad asked. "Get into much trouble?"

"Yeah it was good," James said. "Didn't get a single detention," he said sarcastically.

"James, you really must try to behave, it's an O.W.L. year," His mother nagged affectionately, while his father winked. As they started talking with the Lupins again, James glanced around at Sirius, who was slowly making his way over to his parents. He watched closely, interested, as Sirius smoothed his anxious expression into a blank one, trying to stop his hands from shaking. He looked very tense.

His father said something and he saw Sirius mutter an apology. Then, as a fireplace became vacant, they began walking towards it to use the floo. He saw Sirius' mother grab his arm tightly and drag him along, snapping at him to hurry up. James wanted to go over there and say something to her, tell her to _stop_ , because it was obviously hurting him. But he couldn't find the words and, ashamed, he turned away, back to his family who smiled at him and took him into a side-along apparation.

* * *

"12, Grimmauld Place" Sirius said into the fireplace, before feeling the familiar rush as he travelled through the floo. He came out the other side and wiped the soot off his nose, absent mindedly wishing he was old enough to apparate. Regulus was already here, waiting beside the fireplace for his parents to show up. The brothers didn't talk much, these days. They had chosen different paths, and every day seemed to drift further and further away from each other. It was quite sad, in a way.

" _Don't_ provoke them," Regulus said, still staring into the fireplace. "I just want one holiday where you don't stir shit up."

"I don't provoke them," Sirius replied indignantly. "They provoke _me_."

Regulus shook his head slowly. "I don't see why you can't just try to fit in,"

"I don't want to fit in. I'd rather fit in with a bunch of trolls than fit in with this horrible lot."

" _What_ did you just call us?" Sirius turned around and saw his mother stepping out of the fireplace, fury in her eyes. He widened his eyes, shit, he didn't know she was there. She stormed over and slapped him, hard. He backed away, trying not to look scared.

"Is that what we are to you? A horrible lot? You ungrateful, Muggle-loving SHAME of my flesh!" She screeched.

Sirius almost laughed. She always had such weird insults. He imagined calling someone like Snivellus a 'shame of my flesh' and a smile tugged at his lips despite it all.

"What on Earth are you smirking at? How DARE you? You absolute, ungrateful stain of dishonour!"

What the heck is a stain of dishonour? Sirius thought absently, as his mother took out her wand. Before he could even consider blocking it, she fired a quick hex at him, cutting his cheek. He put his hand to it and saw blood when he took it away. He glanced up at his mother who raised her wand again and he backed away, but as she opened her mouth to yell a spell, Orion placed his hand on her arm.

"Not here," he said to her, quietly. Then turning away, he said "come, Regulus."

With that, they left, making their way to the dining room.

Sirius felt his mother grab his arm as she forcefully dragged him towards the tapestry room. He stumbled a bit and she shoved him, hard, as he tried to stop himself falling. _Why is she always so bloody violent and over the top?_ Sirius thought. Once there, she slammed the door and grabbed his hair harshly, dragging him over to the wall where the large tapestry of their family tree hung. She took out her wand and pointed it to the side of his face, keeping hold of his hair and standing behind him. Pointing far up the tree, she said "Who is that?"

"Licorus Black," Sirius replied. He wanted to tug his hair out of her grasp, but he daren't move with the wand right next to him.

"And who is he?"

"Uh, a member of the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black." He tried to say exactly what she wanted him to say, so he could just get this over with and go up to his room. He knew Licorus must have done something, had some kind of achievement, but he couldn't for the life of him remember what it was.

"Very good," She spat. "And who is THIS?" She said, pulling his hair again, pointing to another person on the tree.

"Uh..."

"WHO IS THIS?" Walburga yelled again, slashing her wand again and leaving another cut just beneath the first one. Sirius flinched and tried to read the name under the picture on the tapestry. He was supposed to know all his relatives off by heart, his parents used to make he and Regulus stand in this room for what seemed like hours while they recited the entire family tree, stating all the achievements, birth dates and death dates of each member. He would never make _his_ kids do anything like that.

"B-Belvina Black,"

"Don't STUTTER," She screeched again, grabbing his hair tighter until there were tears in his eyes. "Blacks don't STUTTER."

"Sorry."

"Look at all the people on this family tree. Great witches and wizards, each and every one of them has contributed something to our House. And somehow, we have ended up with an absolute _embarrassment_ as an heir. I absolutely DETEST you, Sirius Black." She shouted the last part, letting go of his hair and shoving him on the floor.

She cursed him again, hitting him in the rib this time. _Fuck, that one hurt_ , he thought. "A letter home from Dumbledore himself! Do you know how EMBARRASSING it is, Sirius? First of all, you're in GRYFFINDOR," she shouted, hitting him with another curse as he backed away towards the wall. "Then, you befriend HALF-BLOODS and MUDBLOODS," She hit him again. "And now," she said, leaning in close, "you can't even act like a civilised human being at SCHOOL. You're a _shame_ to our house!"

She paused looking at her son, surveying him. His black fringe was sticking to his forehead with sweat, there was blood running down his cheek from the earlier curses, and his eyes were wide. With fear or anger, or perhaps a bit of both, she wasn't sure. She sneered and stood up.

"Get up."

She watched as he slowly rose to his feet, defiantly looking at her.

"Get to your room. Your father can deal with you later. I can't even look at you, you make me feel sick."

Slowly, Sirius left. He had expected it to go worse than that.

He trailed up the stairs, moodily glaring at Kreacher who was in front of him, trying and struggling to drag his trunk upstairs. He sighed.

"Kreacher, I'll get it," he said, taking the other handle of the trunk. As much as he absolutely hated Kreacher, the trunk was almost bigger than him, and it wasn't fair to have him carry it up.

"Shame of the house he is, a disappointment to Mistress, if only Master Regulus was born first," Kreacher muttered.

"Yeah, you're welcome," Sirius said sarcastically as he picked up the trunk and went into his room.

The first thing he saw was the Gryffindor banner on his wall, and instantly he felt more relaxed.

"I hate it here," He said into his empty room. He knew a basic healing spell, but the curse his mother had used was darker magic and that spell wouldn't help in the slightest. He wiped off the blood with his sleeve and sat down on his bed, taking off his robes so he was just in a baggy t-shirt and trousers. He was so angry, but underneath that, he was hurt too. Her words echoed in his mind. _I absolutely detest you, Sirius. You make me feel sick._ He liked to pretend it didn't bother him, but sometimes the things she _said_ hurt more than the things she _did_. _What the fuck kind of mother is she?_ He thought angrily. He thought of the Potters, who were always kind to him, and loved James more than anything in the world. He thought of the Lupins, who stood by Remus and helped him through countless transformations, always sending a bar of chocolate the morning after the full moon, never once forgetting. He thought of the Pettigrews, who loved Peter even if his grades weren't the best and he sometimes made mistakes.

He stood up and kicked his trunk hard, running his hands through his hair. "I fucking HATE it here!" He almost shouted, pacing backwards and forwards in his room.

He heard a knock at his door and froze. His mother would just barge into his room, she wouldn't knock. His father would knock more loudly, and probably come in whether he said it was okay or not. So that left-

"Regulus."

"Sirius, what are you doing?"

"Nothing. What do you want?"

Regulus came into his room and faced him. Sirius was skinnier than Regulus, more so after skipping most of his meals the past few days, but Regulus was about half an inch shorter.

"What did mother do to you?"

Sirius sighed and sat down on his bed, taking out a cigarette and lighting it with the tip of his wand.

"Wasn't too bad. Just made me look at the tapestry, slapped me around a bit." He said.

"What about your cheek?"

"What do you think?"

Regulus frowned. He'd seen them use that curse on his brother before. He just wished he wouldn't try and provoke them so much. Life would be so much easier if he just went along with them. But then, he supposed, that's why Sirius is a Gryffindor.

"Are you okay?"

"'Course I am." Sirius said, putting on his trademark grin and exhaling smoke.

Regulus sighed. He knew he wasn't alright, really, but he didn't want to go to the trouble of trying to make Sirius talk to him. Besides, what could he do? He couldn't take back the words they'd said, couldn't stop them from doing it again.

"Anyway. Dinner's ready." The younger Black said, leaving the room. Sirius nodded, stubbing out his cigarette and going into the bathroom to clear up his face.

* * *

Dinner at the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black was always a stuffy, formal affair. Kreacher brought them their meals from the kitchen and conversation was always very serious, there was never any light banter or laughter. Not like at Hogwarts.

Sirius saw his parents glaring at his Muggle tshirt, but for whatever reason, they didn't mention it, didn't make him go change. Maybe they were tired of dealing with him. He was dreading after dinner, because that was usually when they dragged him into the study and lectured him and hit him over whatever had happened over term. And this term had been a bad one, they had a lot of things to be angry about. They had also gotten a report card back, which he hadn't seen yet, but he hoped to Merlin his grades were good. He was so anxious he couldn't even eat the weird looking stew Kreacher had prepared.

"Sirius, eat your meal," his mother snapped. He forced down a couple of spoonfuls but started feeling sick and stopped, grabbing his goblet of water and drinking some, looking around at his family members.

"Fine. You don't want to eat? Don't." His mother said, vanishing away his plate. He didn't say anything. He wished he were back at Hogwarts.

He sat in silence as his family finished eating, discussing Regulus' grades and friends and how proud of him they were. He looked at Regulus' smug expression and cringed. Merlin, he was such a typical Pureblood kid sometimes.

Kreacher came and vanished their plates and goblets away, muttering about something as Orion and Walburga stood up.

"Sirius, come with me." His father said in a cold voice, placing his hand on the back of his neck and pushing him along. Sirius stood up, trying not to stumble as they went into the study, his mother following close behind.

"We received a letter from your Headmaster last week," He began, clenching his teeth. "What on EARTH possessed you to send a SLYTHERIN student towards the Willow? What do you think people would think of us if he were to have been seriously injured? They would think we were turning our back on our own kind."

Oh. He should've known this would all be about their family status. They only cared about Snape getting hurt because it would affect their Pureblood circles, not because it was the decent thing to do.

"I'm sorry," Sirius said.

"Are you STUPID, Sirius?"

"I-" Sirius wasn't sure how to reply to that.

"I said, are you STUPID?"

"I don't- I don't know,"

"Well you ACT like you're stupid. Where were you when brains were being handed out, Sirius? Picking your nose?"

He blushed, letting his hair fall over his face a bit to try and hide it. He wished they'd just get it over and done with.

"Give me your wand."

Sirius paused. They'd never asked for his wand before. He doubted they'd snap it or anything, but he hated having no way of defending himself.

"Give me your WAND." Orion demanded again, throwing a jet curse at him which hit him on the jaw. Shit, that'll bruise, he thought as he took out his wand and handed it over reluctantly.

"Regulus told me you've been associating with a filthy Mudblood in your year."

Sirius, who had tried to hold in his temper, couldn't restrain himself after that retort.

"You shut up about Lily, she's twice the person you could hope to be."

He saw the fury flash in his parents eyes.

"You love bloody Muggles so much you can damn well defend yourself like a Muggle!" His father said. "Without a wand. Flipendo!"

The jinx knocked him back onto the floor.

"Flipendo! Livorem! Exuare!" Both of them fired a variety of spells for a good few minutes, as Sirius tried to dodge at first, but then one hit him hard and he ended up on the floor, panting. Without a wand to defend himself, he felt useless. Walburga and Orion lowered their wands. _Don't fucking cry,_ Sirius thought to himself. _It'll just piss them off more._

"Get up."

He tried to push himself on the floor, but apparently he was too slow because his mother marched over there and dragged him up by his skinny arm. His whole face and body hurt. He stood there in front of the two much taller adults, flinching away briefly as Walburga lifted her wand to summon his report card. "Accio," she said, and he saw it float over to her.

"We also received this. Despite your idiocy, your grades are acceptable. You have all Outstandings and Exceeds Expectations."

Sirius nodded, hating them. How could they just go from- from _that_ , to just regular conversation? As if nothing had happened? He wiped the blood off his lip and looked down. He was too exhausted to fight. He was too exhausted to even glare at them. He put his hand on the wall to steady himself.

"Why you picked Muggle Studies is a mystery to me. Imagine, a Black in a Muggle Studies class," She said, sneering. "Filthy scum of a Muggle-lover you are, Sirius."

"You had better not embarrass us at the Pureblood gathering next week," His father said threateningly, poking him in the shoulder with his wand. "Or else."

Or else what, Sirius wanted to say. But for once he decided to follow Regulus' advice and keep his mouth shut.

"Well?"

"I won't," he mumbled.

"You had better not. Get to your room, Sirius, I'm sick of you."

Sirius backed away quickly, but then he remembered that they still had his wand. Even though every part of his brain was screaming g _et out of here! Now!_ He needed his wand. Firstly because he couldn't do his homework without it, and secondly because he felt vunerable and unprotected without it, as every wizard did without his want. So, he turned around slowly and looked at his parents who were talking to each other.

"Um..." He began, and they stopped talking.

"I said get to your ROOM," Orion yelled, taking a step forward. "How _dare_ you not listen to me? I don't know what goes on at that school of yours, but you need to learn some _respect_ ," he shouted again, this time backhanding Sirius across the face.

"I- I just ne-"

"Sirius." He interrupted, in a calm, cold voice. Sirius looked up at the taller, black haired Pureblood, nervously. Orion sighed and grabbed Sirius by the arm roughly, pulling him up the stairs and pushing him into his room so hard he stumbled and fell on to the floor as the door was slammed behind him. Fine, he thought, as he started to push himself off the floor. I'll just stay up here, works out fine for me.

"Least I don't have to see any of them," He said to nobody in particular. He made his way to his bed and lay down, exhausted from the day. His face still really hurt, but even if he knew a pain relieving or numbing spell, he didn't have his wand. He hated not having it. He hated being here. He wished he could leave, they'd obviously be better off without him, and he would be better off without them. _Maybe I really am a bad person,_ he thought. _Maybe that's why they hate me so much. Maybe I really do belong in this family. James said I'm just like them._ He screwed his eyes shut tightly, wishing he had his friends back. They were the only things that made his life bearable and even they were gone. They were gone and it was all his fault. _Father's right, I'm a fucking idiot_ , he thought, hating himself in that moment. He wiped his face with his hands, wincing when he touched on a bruise and two cuts, and, sighing, rolled over and went to sleep fully clothed, even though it was barely 9pm.

* * *

He woke up in the dark with a loud yell, face damp with either sweat or tears. He didn't know what time it was, the sun wasn't even starting to rise yet. He was breathing quickly, borderline hyperventilating, as he looked around the dark room, adjusting to consciousness. It was just a dream. Sitting on his bed, he buried his face in his hands, biting his lip so hard he could taste blood. _Blacks don't cry._ Besides, it was only a dream. A bloody terrifying one, but still just a dream.

He heard his door open and glanced up as Regulus walked in, eyes bleary with sleep. He pulled out his wand and lit a couple of candles in the corner, frowning at Sirius.

"What are you yelling for? It's 3am."

"Nothing. Go back to bed, Reg," Sirius said, trying to keep his voice as steady as possible. He wanted Regulus to stay. He didn't want to be alone.

His younger brother sighed and walked over, sitting on the end of his bed.

"Was it a nightmare?"

"Yeah."

"About Mother and Father?"

"Yeah."

Reg sighed again. The two brothers were strikingly similar, but while Regulus' black hair was trimmed short and usually combed neatly, Sirius' shoulder length waves hung loose and he was always running his hands through them. There was also the less obvious differences. Sirius' nose was a little leaner, he was a bit skinnier, and a bit taller. Regulus' eyes were blue like his mothers, while Sirius' were the same fathomless grey as their father.

"I wish you would stop provoking them, Sirius." Regulus began wearily. "I hate it. It would be so peaceful here, I would be so much more relaxed here, if you would just behave."

"I _tried_ to, Reg. I didn't even say anything while they were cur- while they were yelling at me earlier. They just- they just hate me, Reg. I mean really, _really_ hate me."

"Well, I mean..." Regulus hesitated, surveying his brother. He had dark shadows under his eyes and the flickering candles cast light on to the bruises on his jaw and cheek. The confident look he always wore around Hogwarts was completely gone. Even the mildly angry-at-the-world look he always wore at home had vanished. Right now, Regulus thought, he just looks like a scared, neglected little kid. He hated seeing Sirius this way. Sirius was supposed to be the strong one. "I don't really blame them for hating you." Regulus said carefully, glancing at Sirius' muggle t-shirt. He watched as the hurt crossed Sirius' features, but that was soon replaced by his casual, not caring expression.

"It's just that- things would be easier if you weren't around," Regulus tried to explain. "You just make them angry. I mean, you're already in Gryffindor, you don't follow the proper Pureblood ideals, you hang around with mudb- muggleborns," He said quickly at Sirius' stern look. "Maybe you can't help it, but while you're around, everything is just tense here."

Sirius nodded. "I know. I'm sorry, Reg. I just can't put up with their racist, purist bullshit," He said. "It's sick."

"Mmmh," Regulus nodded non-comittedly. "Anyway, go back to sleep."

"Yeah. Night, kiddo," Sirius said, smirking.

"Don't call me that," Regulus said, rolling his eyes, but as he left the room, Sirius saw him grin too.

* * *

A week passed, and Sirius wasn't allowed to leave his room at all. He was lucky there was an en-suite bathroom off his bedroom, or he would've ended up shitting in an overturned hat.

He wasn't allowed to leave for meals. If Kreacher came into his room, he would have him bring up some soup or leftover dinner, but that wasn't very often. Regulus brought him a sandwich every lunchtime, if he could sneak one up. As much as he liked being in his room, after a week of being in there non-stop, he was starting to feel a little stir crazy. He had smoked almost all his cigarettes, lighting them off one of the constantly burning candles that was enchanted to never melt, and the smoke smell hung around the room, which had no ventilation. He wished he could write to his friends, but he knew his letters would be ignored and, besides, the window was locked shut, and he didn't have his wand. He did all the homework he could do without a wand, purely out of boredom. He was sick of looking at the motorcycle and hot muggle women posters he had put up, sick of seeing the same view of two trees and a block of flats out his window. He felt like screaming, and on top of that, he was so, so, hungry.

It was the Saturday after he had arrived home from Hogwarts, and Sirius woke late. He hadn't gone to sleep properly until about 5am, after having a bunch of nightmares and only catching snippets of sleep before. Today was the Pureblood meeting, and he was expected to show up. Around midday, as he was sitting on the floor re-reading a book, his mother barged into his room.

"Get up off the floor. You're a Black, not a filthy _muggle_. Get up, I said!"

He winced at her loud tone and stood up. She looked at him, sneering, and he wrapped his arms around himself, self-conscious.

"What?" He almost spat.

"Everyone will be here in an hour. Get dressed and take a shower, and be downstairs in 30 minutes."

With that she left, slamming the door behind her. He ran his hands through his hair - which, admittedly, was a bit greasy and knotted - and made his way to the bathroom, standing under the shower for a long time.

When he got out, he looked at the dress robes Kreacher had laid out on his bed, wrinkling his nose. He considered changing into muggle jeans and a Beatles t-shirt, but remembered Regulus' words and sighed. As much as he hated his parents, he didn't want to make things hard for Reg, so he got changed into the typical pureblood robes, rolling his sleeves up and loosening his tie. Hey, he had an image to keep up, after all.

He ran downstairs, glad to be finally out of his room, and joined Regulus in the dining room, where his parents were standing.

"I want you both on your BEST behaviour," Walburga said, glaring especially at Sirius. "NO pranking. NO bringing up your... liberal beliefs, Sirius. And you WILL respect our guests. Stop slouching, Sirius, stand up straight. Now," She said, turning her attention to Regulus. Sirius tried not to feel resentful as her features softened. "Regulus, I would like you to greet our guests. Kreacher will take their coats, of course. They will be arriving soon, go go." She said, pausing to smooth down some of his hair affectionately. Sirius looked away.

"Right. Sirius, you had BETTER behave today. No breaking things, no disrespecting the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black, none of your... politics, no mention of Gryffindor house, no-"

She carried on listing off things he wasn't meant to do, and he nodded absent-mindedly, tuning her out.

"You listen to me, Sirius Black," She suddenly said, grabbing his shoulder hard and bending to his height, shoving her face close to his. "You break a single one of these rules, and I won't hesitate to use the Cruciatus on you."

"What?" Sirius widened his eyes. Surely she couldn't be serious?

"Oh, I'm dead serious." She said, as if she had read his mind. "You fail to learn the importance of this house and all that we stand for, Sirius, and I will no longer tolerate it. You will be coming of age soon, and you have NOTHING to show for it. You had better behave, or else."

"But- The Cruciatus is illegal," He replied. She narrowed her eyes and smirked.

"I don't think you quite understand the power our household has, Sirius. We are above the law," She said, with a haughty expression. "Besides, who would care?"

He tried not to let that hurt as he contemplated what she had said. Her words had shaken him a bit. As much as she - well, both of them - had hit him or cursed him or hexed him in the past, he had never been Crucio'd before. He had read that the curse could make a person go insane. He had read that it caused an unthinkable amount of pain to the receiver, and continued until the person giving the curse stopped, or until the person receiving it simply died after hours of torture. He didn't doubt that she would use it, which, he thought, was kind of sad. He tried to imagine James' mum threatening to Crucio James, but he couldn't. James' smiling, kind-hearted mother would never hurt her son.

Sirius wished he and James hadn't stopped talking, hadn't broken up the Marauders. He hated dealing with all this alone.

"Go into the main hall and make yourself presentable," She spat, standing up to her full height and straightening her hair back up. "And for Merlin's sake, brush your hair."

He left, frowning, running his hands through his hair. Picking up a book, he sat on one of the couches and tried to concentrate on reading as the guests arrived, simpering and smiling at Regulus and drinking wine and firewhisky. He looked up as someone sat down next to him on the couch.

Lucius Malfoy. Great.

Lucius Malfoy was 5 years older than Sirius, and didn't forget it. Fixing him with a haughty, typical Pureblood expression, he glared at the younger boy.

"So, Black," he sneered.

"Malfoy," Sirius replied, teeth clenched.

"Still in Gryffindor?" Malfoy teased.

"Obviously."

Out of the corner of his eye, Sirius saw his mother staring at the two. Apparently Malfoy saw this too, and decided to take advantage of it, trying to provoke Sirius and aggravate Walburga.

"How are those little friends of yours? The half-blood and the blood-traitor, right?"

"They're fine."

"You're the only person in your family, in almost every respected Pureblood family, to be sorted into Gryffindor. How does it feel to be an outcast, Black?"

Sirius didn't respond, looking back at his book.

"Ignoring your guests? That's not very respectful." Malfoy taunted. Sirius sighed and dropped his book.

"Oh, I'm sooo sorry, Malfoy," He said sarcastically. "Want me to kiss your ass while you're at it? Or are you too busy kissing old Voldemort's ass?"

Malfoy gasped and Walburga dropped her glass, which shattered on the ground. She stormed over, genuinely furious.

"How DARE you speak his name? How DARE you mock him?" She yelled, slapping him hard across the face with each question. "How dare you disrespect the Dark Lord, Sirius Orion Black! Shame of my flesh!"

 _Again with the weird insults_ , he thought. He flinched as she raised her arm again, but then Orion was behind her, telling her to stop, wait until later. She stormed away, screeching at Kreacher to bring her more wine, as his father gave him a warning glance that sent chills down Sirius' spine. He spotted Mulciber, in his year at school, staring from halfway across the room, and blushed in embarrassment. Merlin, the whole SCHOOL was going to know about this. It didn't help that Mulciber was best friends with bloody Severus Snape of all people.

Still next to him on the couch, Malfoy was smirking.

"Oh, wow. Look at ickle Siwius Black, blood-traitor, still scared of his mummykins," he taunted.

"Shut up, Malfoy," he muttered, frowning at the ground. Malfoy laughed, his cold, humourless laugh, and went off to find Narcissa amidst the crowd.

Dinner was served at the magically extended dinner table. Kreacher snapped his fingers and the meal arrived, and Sirius, who hadn't eaten properly in over a week, resisted the urge to wolf it all down as he tried to keep his posture straight and his face impassive. As much as he tried to tune it out, he could hear snippets of the conversation going on around him.

"...The Dark Lord..."

"...Got the right idea if you ask me..."

"...Yes. I hear he is recruiting now..."

"...Get rid of them all..."

"...Filthy little mudbloods, get rid of them too..."

"...Should be tortured if you ask me..."

"...Kill every last filthy Muggle in the country..."

"Shut UP!" Sirius yelled, standing up without realising. The table fell silent. "How can you all be so fucking _racist_? Can you even hear yourself? You're talking about killing people. _Killing_ them! What kind of twisted fucking psychopaths are you?"

"Sirius Black, you sit down RIGHT now," Growled Orion, as Walburga looked around surveying everyone's reactions, hoping her reputation would be saved.

"You're all following this elitist madman drunk on power, and you don't _realise_ that Voldemor-"

"DARE YOU SPEAK HIS NAME," His mother and two other people around the table said simultaneously, while the others looked on, horrified.

"What, Voldemort? Voldemort Voldemort Old Voldy Voldemort!"

" _Petrificus Totalus!_ "

The body-bind curse hit Sirius and he froze where he stood. He watched worriedly as his father slowly walked around the silent table, towards him. Shit, Sirius thought. I think I went to far.

"Come with me." He said, wrapping his hand firmly around Sirius' upper arm as he silently removed the body-bind curse. He walked quickly, digging his nails into Sirius' arm when he stumbled. He could hear Walburga apologising as he left.

Once they were in the tapestry room, the door was barely closed before Orion backhanded his son across the face.

"How dare you mock the Dark Lord," he hissed. "How dare you ruin our gathering."

Sirius raised his hand up to his face, trying to stem the blood coming from the cut made by his fathers ring.

"They were being downright racist," Sirius began. "And y-"

"Don't you talk back to me, boy," He spat, drawing his wand. Sirius looked at the ground, frowning. "LOOK AT ME,"

Sirius looked up, meeting his fathers gaze. Orion raised his wand. Taking a deep breath, he said;

"Crucio."

Suddenly Sirius could think of nothing else but the pain from that curse. He could hear someone crying out almost manically and it occurred to him that he was the one screaming. It felt like every nerve on his body was on fire. His head ached, it felt like his skull was going to cave in any moment. Each of his limbs were screaming in pain, fingers clenched against the floor, which he vaguely noted he was now laying on. He just wanted to die, death would be better than being in this unbearable pain. _"Just Avada Kedavra me,_ " Sirius thought. _"Just end this!"_

After what felt like a few hours but was probably only a few seconds, the curse was lifted. Sirius' tense muscles relaxed as he felt normal sensations return to him. He opened his eyes, listened to the silence now that the screaming - his screaming - had stopped, felt the wooden floor and the hot tears against the side of his face. He was panting heavily, too exhausted to even acknowledge his surroundings.

"Get up." He heard his mothers low voice. When had she gotten here? He tried to push himself off the floor with shaking arms, but it was no use. He couldn't do it. He was just tired, just so tired.

"Get UP." She said again, walking over and lifting him roughly by the arm. He twitched, an aftershock of the Cruciatus, and she pushed him back against a wall.

"You're the absolute shame of my flesh! Absolute stain of dishonour! You're a freak, Sirius." She screeched, raising her wand and hitting him with a number of curses. Sirius ignored the pain. He was sick of this. He was sick of stepping back while they said such horrible things about Muggles and Muggle-borns, the people he cared about. Wiping his face, he stepped forward.

"Oh, _I'm_ the freak? I'm not the one wanting to kill all Muggles and Muggle-borns. I'm not the one who wants the world to be in some kind of sick hierarchy where Purebloods are in charge. I'm not the one who fucking Crucio's his own son!" He yelled back, glancing between his parents.

"Crucio!" She yelled.

Somehow the pain was even worse this time, fuelled by pure rage. He tried to stop himself screaming but it was inevitable. He was screaming again, crying out, in absolutely excruciating agony. After at least a minute, Orion put his hand on his wife's arm. "That'll do," he said, as she lowered her wand. "He wants to love Muggles so much, he can damn well heal like one. Get to your room, Sirius."

Now that the curse was over, Sirius was sinking in and out of unconsciousness. There were tears in his eyes but he couldn't find the strength to wipe them. One of the cuts on his side from the barrage of curses earlier was leaking blood through his shirt, but he barely noticed. His muscles ached from the unforgivable, twitching from aftershocks of the curse. He winced as his mother crouched down beside him, grabbing his hair roughly to lift his head up.

"I wish you had died at birth." She hissed, dropping his head as she followed Orion out of the room, leaving Sirius alone. Yeah, well that makes two of us, he thought.

He laid there for a few minutes on the floor, catching his breath. Upstairs, he thought. I need to get upstairs.

After a few attempts, he managed to push himself up and stand up with the help of the wall. Everywhere hurt. Even his mouth hurt, and he figured he had bitten his tongue at some point during the Cruciatus. Cringing, he made his way across the room and out into the corridor. He could hear the murmur of voices in the dining room. He didn't fit in here.

* * *

Slowly walking up the stairs, he finally made it to his room, where he quietly closed the door behind him. I can't stay here any more, Sirius thought. That was too close a call. He remembered Regulus' words from earlier. _Everything would just be easier if you were gone_. Sitting gingerly on his bed, Sirius considered suicide. _It's not like anyone will miss me,_ he thought. All his friends hated him. All his family hated him. He had nobody in the world, and he just felt completely and utterly _alone._

As much as he loathed his family, a part of him loved them too. Despite it all, Walburga and Orion were still his parents, and he knew that if he wasn't there then their life would be so much easier. He knew how much they hated having a son that didn't fit in.

He thought of Regulus, too, imagining how less stressful it would be for him if Sirius was just gone. He wouldn't have to deal with their arguments, wouldn't have to sneak him food up, wouldn't be woken up by his childish nightmares.

Sirius groaned as he shifted on his bed, whole body in pain. He needed a pain relief potion, and his side (which was now bleeding quite heavily) needed healing. He looked around his room, looking for something to stem the bleeding with, when his eyes landed on his trunk and broom.

Could he just... run away?

It sounded too simple. Surely it wouldn't be that easy, right? Could he really just _leave?_

 _I don't really blame them for hating you,_ Regulus' words echoed in his mind. _Things would be easier if you weren't around._

Those words, paired with his own desperation, were enough. He quickly changed into a Muggle t-shirt and jeans, ignoring the pain in his side, and threw whatever he could into his trunk. Schoolbooks, clothes, some photos, various gifts he had received from the Marauders over the years, a stuffed dragon his uncle had gotten him when he was a kid, some pranking stuff from under his bed, and a card Reg had drawn for his birthday when they were 6 and 8. He opened his door and peered down the stairs. Nobody was there. Sighing in relief, he retreated back into his room and grabbed his trunk and broom, walking back out into the hall. Before he went downstairs, he paused, looking back at his room. This was really happening. He was really running away. If he did this, he could never come back. He would probably never see his room again, never come back to this house again. He'd probably never see his parents ever again. Which he knew was a good thing, he knew it, but a little voice in the back of his mind was telling him this could be a mistake.

But a much louder voice was telling him it wasn't. It was too dangerous here, he reminded himself. And he was scared. He couldn't hold on any more.

Glancing back for one last time at the Gryffindor banner, the Muggle posters, and the photos of the Marauders stuck around his bedroom, he sighed and pulled the door shut. This was really happening.

He made his way downstairs, trying not to let his trunk thump on the stairs. The shrivelled heads of dead house elves seemed to glare at him as he passed. _I won't miss them_ , Sirius thought. Everything felt so surreal. He reached the bottom of the stairs and was almost at the door when-

"Sirius?"

Regulus was standing outside the hall, looking at him questioningly. "What's going on?"

"I- I can't stay here any more, Reg, I'm sorry," Sirius said, steadying himself on the wall. Everywhere still ached from the Cruciatus earlier and the walk down the stairs had tired him out even more.

"You're actually running away?"

"Yeah."

Regulus wrinkled his nose. "I thought Gryffindors were supposed to be brave," he said. "You're just running away?"

Sirius didn't know how to respond to that, so he didn't, opening the front door and dragging his trunk out into the rain on the empty street.

"I hope it makes everything better for you at least, Reg," Sirius said. "Try not to get swept up in their Pureblood elite shit while I'm gone, okay?"

Before the younger Black sibling could reply, the door behind him was wrenched open and there stood Walburga Black. Behind her, Sirius could see his father, Lucius, Narcissa, Mulciber, and Bellatrix, trying to see what was going on.

"What is the meaning of this?"

"I'm- I'm leaving," Sirius said, trying to keep the pain out of his voice.

"How dare you e-" She began, but Sirius interrupted.

"Don't stand there and try to make me stay." He said, suddenly angry. "You hate me, you always have, and you said yourself that it would be better off without me. You stay here in your closed-minded, Pureblood-elitist world if you want, but I'm getting out before I become an insane, inbreeding racist like all of you!"

With that he turned around, thinking about how it would be his name blasted off the tapestry tonight.

"Sirius Black, you come back here right now! I am your MOTHER!"

He stopped, closing his eyes for a moment and sighing.

"A mother doesn't Crucio her own son." He replied, sadly.

And with that he left, quickly grabbing his broom and dodging the curses and hexes she sent his way. One of them exploded his trunk before he could even pick it up, but in that moment, he didn't care. He just jumped on his broom and flew off out of sight, the rain dampening his long hair and making it hard to see in front of him. He didn't even know where he was going. He didn't even care. Just then, he felt freer than he'd felt since he first stepped into the Gryffindor common room 5 years ago.

* * *

 **Thank you for reading! There'll be one more chapter after this, which I will try to upload very soon, though it won't be quite as long as this one! In the next chapter, Sirius goes to James' house, and it'll switch POV between them a bit.**


	4. Safe

**Thanks to Training to be a fangirl, Remus-Chocolade, KamiKaze Black and Waistcoat35 for your reviews!**

 **This chapter is around 5,000 words, and covers Sirius getting to and arriving at James' house. There's kind of a lot of dialogue later on.**

* * *

He flew for a long time, high up in the clouds where no Muggles would be able to spot him. The sun had set a while ago, now, but the rain was still pouring heavily on the black-haired teen. He didn't even know where he was going, he had been flying steadily North for hours, and now the adrenaline of running away was wearing off and he was absolutely freezing and soaked to the bone. He kept flying, because he knew that if he stopped, the panic would set in, and the tears would come, and he would probably fall off his broom in sheer exhaustion. So he kept going, because it was all he could do. This is it, he thought, swaying on his broom. I'm all alone. Completely and utterly on my own.

He thought about landing somewhere and sleeping in a park or something, but his whole body was hurting like crazy, even the cold wouldn't numb it any more. He wondered if his side was still bleeding, but decided not to look, not wanting to know. St. Mungo's, the wizarding hospital, crossed his mind, but although they would help him, they would also contact his parents as he was still underage. The thought of having to go back to his parents, after finally escaping, after flying for hours to get away, after finally feeling _free_ , made his stomach twist. No, he couldn't go to St. Mungo's, it wasn't worth the risk.

So where else could he go? Of course, James, Remus and Peter crossed his mind, but they all hated him. _They'd probably just turn me away,_ Sirius thought. _They might even curse me._ But other than them, Sirius didn't really have anywhere he could go. For all his so called popularity at school, Peter, Remus and James were really his only friends. He was on good terms with Lily, but it would be very strange for him to turn up at her house like that, and besides, he didn't know where she lived. Plus, her parents wouldn't know what to do, being Muggles and all. He wondered what her parents were like. Must be weird growing up as a Muggle, being a Muggle all your life, and then suddenly finding out your kid has _magic powers_. Damn, no wonder Lily's sister was jealous.

Then it hit him. Maybe one of the Marauders' parents could help him? He hated imposing on them like that, and resented asking for help from anyone ( _Blacks don't rely on others for help_ , his parents words echoed in the back of his mind) but at this point, he was almost falling off his broom.

He thought of Peter, first. He had only met the Pettigrews once, and frankly, they both seemed a bit scared of him. His father knew that Sirius was a Black, and kept giving him dirty looks, assuming him to be just as prejudiced as the rest of them. His Muggle mother had accidentally caught him transforming from dog to human, and it freaked her out so much she fainted flat-out. When she woke up, the four Marauders pretended it hadn't happened, pretended it had all just been a dream, but after then she kept glancing at Sirius warily. Nah, the Pettigrews weren't an option.

He thought of Remus. Both Remus' parents were very nice to him, even when he visited them for the first time when they were 12 and he broke a photo frame and almost started crying. He blushed now, growling at how embarrassing the memory was. He had been so scared the Lupins would be mad and punish him, he was almost in hysterics, but Mr. Lupin simply pointed his wand at the frame and said "Repairo," and it was good as new. They had assured him it was fine, that it was an accident. They really had been very kind. But then, he remembered, Remus' father worked nights, and would probably be at work right now, so that would just leave Mrs. Lupin on her own. _And also_ , he thought, _if Remus told her what I did, that I told Snivellus how to get to him, she would be furious at how I put her son in danger like that._

So his mind turned to the Potters. Out of all of his friends houses, he had visited James' the most, and his parents almost treated him like family. He was quite sure they wouldn't turn him away, but he was also worried. James had been the most angry out of all the Marauders. What if he cursed him? Or yelled at him? Or told him to leave? He didn't think he could handle that. But still, he thought, the Potters were still the best place he could go right now. He hated imposing on them like this, but desperation overpowered his stubborn ways and he dipped down above the town.

He had no idea where he was, but it looked - thankfully - like a wizarding town. He lowered some more, and saw a few women with pointed Witch hats entering a pub. _Yes!_ He thought. _Finally some fucking luck around here._ He dipped some more and dismounted, painfully, rolling off his broom before it had touched ground and grazing his side on the cobblestone street. Cringing, he stood up, and using his broom as a walking stick, made his way over to the pub to see if they had a floo he could use. Although he couldn't floo directly to the Potter's, what with all the protections on it, he could go to the café near their house, and walk from there. It was just a little further.

He felt the familiar sensation of the floo whisk him away, and when it stopped he opened his eyes, stepping into the empty café. There was just one bewildered looking witch behind the counter who looked like she was about to say something to him, but he left the café before she could. _Shit,_ he thought, _walking is bloody painful._ He finally, _finally,_ reached the Potters, and almost collapsed in relief. He didn't think he could walk another step. He raised his fist to knock on the door, but then stopped, unsure. It was late now. Perhaps they were all in bed? Maybe it was rude of him to come this late? He dropped his arm. What would he do if they turned him away? Or if they weren't in? If they thought it was rude of him to come here? He just felt like giving up. He was finally here, and he just felt miserable. So _miserable_.

* * *

James was sitting in his room, reading a book Moony had recommended. Usually, he wasn't one for reading, and he'd been skeptical when Moony had sent him this book yesterday, insisting it was a good read. He had picked it up an hour ago, scanning the first page distractedly. Now, an hour later, he was reading avidly, and though he would never admit it to Moony, it _was_ a good read. He glanced at the clock, noting that it was almost midnight. _Just one more chapter before I go to sleep,_ he thought, even though he had said that, like, 3 chapters ago. Turning the page, he stopped mid-sentence, turning his head. Did he just hear something downstairs? It sounded like someone knocking. But who would be knocking at almost-midnight?

He grabbed his wand and started making his way downstairs, but then stopped, remembering reading all the articles in the Prophet about a dark wizard called Voldemort and his attacks. It could be dangerous, what if there was one of Voldemort's followers behind that door? His family were known for being blood-traitors, so they could be targeted. He thought for a moment, and when they knocked again, quieter now, he turned back and went into his parents room.

"Mum?" He said, shaking her on the shoulder. "Mum, dad, there's someone at the door,"

"Mmmhh, sweetie, it's late, what do you need?" Euphemia muttered, yawning and opening one eye.

"There's someone at the door."

"What?" She said, opening both eyes and sitting up. "Fleamont, dear," she said, shaking her husband as she pulled on her dressing gown and slid her feet into slippers.

"What's the matter?"

"There's someone at the door,"

She grabbed her wand and went downstairs, telling James to stay up here, while her husband got up. Keeping her wand raised, she opened the door slowly, peering out into the night. Then when she saw who was there, she stopped, almost dropping her wand.

"Oh my goodness... _Sirius?_ " She put her hand over her mouth.

In front of her stood the boy she had known since he was 12, with long, absolutely drenched black hair, pale, almost blue tinged skin, and only a t-shirt and jeans, despite the almost freezing temperature outside. He was shivering almost violently.

"What on Earth... Come in, come in out of the cold, what..." She trailed off, noticing his face now that he had stepped into the light inside. Under his almost fearful grey eyes were dark shadows, which looked even darker on the pale colour of his skin. Bruises littered his jaw and cheek and she almost winced just looking at them. A few cuts, some deeper than others, marked his right cheek, and all she could think was that they must have terribly. Blood, dried or fresh she wasn't sure, had soaked through the left side of his t-shirt. She had no idea what had happened. She didn't even know if she _wanted_ to know.

Letting the door swing shut, she noticed how he jumped when it slammed closed. Bending down to his height, which admittedly wasn't much smaller than her, she addressed him gently so as not to scare him. He was still shivering.

"Sirius?" She began, carefully. He looked at her with a guilty expression.

"I'm- I'm so sorry for coming here," He began in what was almost a whisper, sounding so defeated it just broke her heart. "I just- I didn't know where else to go,"

"No, no, don't ever feel bad for coming here, you know you're _always_ welcome," She said, hugging him. "Come on, let's go into the living room and see what we can do about healing you."

He followed her into the living room and she told him to take a seat while she grabbed a basket of healing potions she kept in the kitchen. Returning, she sat next to him on the couch.

"Okay, I need you to take your t-shirt off so I can look at your side," She said, picking up her wand. He hesitated. "It's alright, Sirius, I just need to see how bad it is and whether you need a blood replenishing potion or not."

After a bit more hesitation, he reluctantly took off his t-shirt, staring at the wall to the right of him as though he didn't want to see what it would look like, as if he knew it would be bad. Mrs. Potter had to stop herself from saying "Oh, Sirius," as she knew it would only make him feel self conscious. There was - to put it simply - a lot of blood. Some of it was dried, and it looked like the gash had healed partway closed at some point but re-opened shortly before he got here. His other side wasn't as bad, it was simply grazed and looked like he had just fallen on it, and although it had scabbed over now anyway, she decided to heal it. She noted that he was very thin, it looked like he had lost a lot of weight, and she wondered if he had been eating properly.

After cleaning the blood away with a quick spell, she muttered "Episkey," running her wand along the length of the cut. She saw him tense up as it healed, and then relax when she was done.

"Now, there will be a scar," She said carefully. "A healer could have probably done a better job, but either way there would've been scarring with a cut so deep."

"It's okay," He said quietly. "Thank you."

She cleaned his t-shirt off with a quick scourgify and he pulled it back on, wincing slightly. She handed him some bruise salve, "apply it liberally on your face," she instructed, "it's not very strong so it won't get rid of the bruises completely, but it'll stop them hurting,". Sitting back, she watched him apply it as she thought about how to ask what had happened. She assumed it had been something at home, noting the bruises on his arm in the shape of a handprint, and so might be a touchy topic for him, but she needed to know if there was anything else she needed to give him.

"Did you fly here?" She began with. He nodded.

"Well, I flew- I flew for a while, I just flew north, I wasn't aiming for here at first," He began, passing her back the bruise salve and wrapping his arms around himself. "And then I was trying to think of- to think of where I could go, really. Because it felt like I was going to collapse or something." He swallowed as Mr. Potter came down the stairs. He opened his mouth to say something but Euphemia shushed him quietly before he could speak, asking him to go and get a glass of water from the kitchen.

"Carry on, Sirius, what were you saying?"

"Uh... yeah, so, so I kind of thought of here because- because even though James and I have kind of fallen out, you were always nice to me, so I thought- I thought you might not be mad at me for showing up like this," He said, looking down. She put her hand gently on his shoulder and he flinched a little at the contact, but didn't pull away. Mr. Potter came back with the glass of water and handed it to Sirius, sitting at the other side of him.

"Thanks," He said, taking a big drink of water. His hand was shaking so much he almost dropped it, out of fear or cold, they couldn't tell. Fleamont shot a questioning glance at his wife, who shook her head slightly, silently telling him she would explain everything later.

"So you flew straight here?" She asked, willing him to continue.

"I dropped down a bit and flew to a wizarding pub, and floo'd to that café a few streets down, and walked from there."

"Why didn't you-" She stopped, rephrasing her question in her mind. "Wouldn't it be easier to floo from home?"

"I-" He began, breaking off and looking down at the floor. "I ran away."

"Ran away?" Mr. Potter asked. "What happened?"

Mrs. Potter almost rolled her eyes at his direct approach, but it worked, because he did start to explain.

"They were having this- get together thing. Just Purebloods and stuff, you know?"

Both of the elderly Potters nodded, grimacing. Being Pureblooded themselves, they had gone to some of those, but absolutely despised them. 90% of the people there were Pureblood supremacist racists and it was a nightmare having to smile and nod at all their boring conversations and almost boorish bragging.

"And we were having dinner, they were talking about their usual crap, you know, about how Purebloods should rule the world and all that," He said, rolling his eyes.

"But then they started talking about that guy Voldemort, and they started saying stuff like we should kill all Muggleborns, and I- I kind of lost it. I yelled at them to shut up, stop being racist psychopaths, stuff like that. It was a bit stupid,"

"Honestly, I can't say I wouldn't have done the same thing, Sirius," Mr. Potter said. "Some of those Pureblood elitists are downright infuriating."

Sirius nodded. "So then- my uh, my father..."

"It's alright, you're doing great," Euphemia said, squeezing his shoulder in support.

"He hit me with a body-bind curse and then took me into the- well, we have this room with a tapestry thing in it, with the family tree on- and he slapped me around a bit, the usual stuff, you know," He said, thinking. Again, the husband and shared a glance. No, they didn't know. They had never hit their son. "I would've defended myself but they took my wand before. They still have it," He said, realising he may never get it back. "And then he-"

"He what, love?"

Sirius mumbled something incoherently. Both Potters were worried now. "Didn't quite catch that, son," Fleamont said carefully.

"Crucio'd me." He said shortly, avoiding both their gazes.

"WHAT?" Mr. Potter shouted without thinking, and Sirius flinched at the loud noise, shivering again now. "Sorry, Sirius, I didn't mean to shout," He said guiltily.

"It's okay,"

"Crucio is... oh, _Sirius..._ " Euphemia said, covering her mouth with her hand in shock. This was so, so, _so_ much worse than she had expected. How could anyone do that to their own son? How could anyone do that to _anyone_?

"It really hurt, I can't even- I can't even describe it," He said, shakily. "I just wanted it to be over, y'know? I just wanted them to Avada me and get it over with, I just wanted to _die_ ,"

Neither Euphemia nor Fleamont had ever been under the Cruciatus, but had seen the effects of it, especially now the war was starting up. Some people were driven to insanity, others were so terrified of it happening again they were afraid to leave their homes. It was a horrible, unforgivable curse to use. And one of the things that pained both Mr. and Mrs. Potter the most was that they knew that Orion Black, in fact, the entire Black family, were too powerful to even be tried in court over it. They would get away with this, and it sickened the late Potter couple.

"So he finished with it. My mother came in and yelled at me to get up, but I couldn't, it was like I wasn't strong enough. So she grabbed my arm and pulled me up. Called me a freak and Crucio'd me too." He said, trying to keep his voice casual, hating how he sounded so bloody weak. "Couldn't stop screaming." He bit his lip as his voice broke and his eyes glassed over with tears. "And she said-" He continued, sniffing, wiping his eyes quickly before the tears could fall and frowning. Don't fucking cry, he thought angrily.

Euphemia was almost crying herself, but was trying not to let it show, she was trying to be strong for Sirius. He had been Crucio'd. Twice. By his own parents. It made her so angry and so very _sad_ and in all her life she had never, ever, experienced anything like this. She looked down at Sirius who looked up at her, looking completely done, utterly defeated.

"She said she- she said she wished I was dead," He said, voice fully breaking and a sob escaping at the end. Without a second thought, she wrapped him up into a hug, sure that she would never let him go there ever, ever again, as long as she lived. "So I ran away."

"Shhh, it's alright," She mumbled words of comfort as he cried into her shoulder. She got the feeling that he hadn't cried in a very, very long time. She rubbed his back gently and tried to resist the urge to cry herself. She felt her heart break as he was crying so quietly, and she hugged him even more tightly. "You've done great, Sirius, you've been so brave," She said. "But it's alright now. You're _safe_."

Mr. Potter smiled sadly at his wife and, patting Sirius on the shoulder, he went upstairs to make up the spare room.

* * *

James was sitting on the stairs. He had been sitting on the stairs for over an hour, peering into the living room. Sirius was _crying_. Sirius hardly ever cried. He could count on one hand all the times he had seen Sirius Black cry, and none of them came close to the amount he was crying now.

He had cried once in first year in secret, after he got his first ever howler when they were 11.

He had cried once in second year when they had been running around the Willow and a branch had hit him, hard, and he had to go to the hospital wing.

He had cried once in third year, just after summer break, after he had had a particularly bad nightmare and had thrown up in the sink.

He had cried once in fourth year, when his parents told him not to bother going home for Christmas. (But he had perked up when James said he could come stay at his house).

And now he was sitting in the living room, enveloped in a hug from James' mother, and crying because he'd been Crucio'd, twice, and ran away from home. James supposed he would cry over that too. James squeezed his eyes shut, wishing he didn't have to listen to the heartbreaking muffled sobs coming from Sirius. He wanted to go down there and comfort his friend, but he didn't really know how. How do you comfort someone in a situation like... _that?_ It was so out of his depth. And still, it might be a little awkward. James hadn't talked to Sirius in weeks, and he wasn't sure that he had fully forgiven him over the incident with the Willow. However, he had thought it over a lot the past week, and he thought it was likely that Snape had been provoking Sirius. He knew Sirius got angry quickly, especially where Snape was concerned, and so he'd probably snapped and said some remark that gave away the hiding place, and Snape had put two had two together. He wrote all this in letters to Moony and Wormtail, but still thought it wasn't a reason to forgive him, at least until they had talked it over.

He felt a little guilty too. He had known roughly what Sirius' home life was like, and seen how his parents were with him at the station, but he hadn't spoken up. Maybe if he had gone over there, insisted Sirius come to his for Easter, none of this would've happened.

"James?"

James jumped as his father said his name. He didn't even know he was there, he was so deep in thought.

"Is Sirius alright?" He asked. His father crouched down to where James was sitting on the stairs.

"He'll be just fine," said Fleamont tiredly. In that moment, James was reminded just how old his father was, as his voice held the wisdom that only age could garner and his once black hair was now a dark grey, dusted with white.

"James, I'm not too sure what it is you fell out about," Fleamont said, holding up his hand as James started to explain that it was complicated and he couldn't tell him. "You don't need to tell me what it was. I had my fair share of secrets when I was your age," He said, remembering his Hogwarts days fondly. "But I think you should try to put it aside for now. Sirius has been through an _awful_ lot tonight and you don't want to add to that stress. I'm not saying you have to forgive him or whatever, but try to put it aside, and don't hold this grudge forever. He's going to need all the friends he can get and he may be a bit fragile for the next few days."

James nodded, taking this advice. "I will, dad." He said.

Fleamont smiled. "That's very mature of you, James. I'm proud of you. I think for now, though, you should run back up to bed."

James hesitated. "Well..."

"He'll be alright, James. What he needs now is rest."

The younger Potter nodded and stood up, going back into his room and laying on his bed. He wasn't tired at all, he felt wide awake as he went over the events of the night. He really wanted to see Sirius, but a part of him didn't. And as he dithered between getting up and going to see him and staying here, he heard his mother and Sirius make their way upstairs.

"We made up the guest room for you, okay? I'll get you some of James' pyjamas."

"You didn't have to go to all the tr-"

"It was no trouble at all. Come on, just down here, you know the way."

He heard the door to the room next to him open and guessed that was the room they had made up for Sirius. After a moment, he saw his door open and his mum walk in.

"Mum, is he okay?"

"Yes love, just a bit shaken. I'm glad you came to me when you heard him knocking instead of going down yourself, that was very wise of you." She praised.

"Is he... did they really..."

"Did they what, Jamie?"

"Did they really Crucio him?"

Euphemia sighed and nodded, sitting beside her son on his bed. This wasn't a conversation she ever expected to have, he could tell.

"They did, once each." She stopped. James could see the horror that it had really happened flash across her eyes. He knew his mum, he knew how much she hated seeing anyone get hurt, and this must have really topped her list of _"Worst Things I've Ever Seen"_. "I've given him a pain relief potion," She assured James.

"Okay." He said, and hesitated.

"Something else on your mind, love?"

"It's just... I'm still not friends with him. This doesn't make it all okay," James said, thinking. "So it might be a bit awkward tomorrow."

"I'm sure it will be fine. And, well, I don't know what exactly has happened, but I think you should write to Remus and Peter and tell them what's happened, ask them if forgiving him is the right thing to do. Sometimes seeing things from another persons point of view is very helpful."

"Yeah," James nodded. "Alright. Thanks, mum, for helping him,"

"Oh Jamie, I would have done the same for anyone," She said, hugging him. "Is it alright if he borrows some of your pyjamas?"

"Yeah, fine, whatever," He said, laying back down under his covers while she picked up a long white t-shirt and light orange pyjama trousers from the back of his wardrobe. "Thanks, love," She said, smiling at him. James yawned.

"Oh, mum? Give him a dreamless sleep potion if you have one," He said, burrowing under his blankets. "He has pretty bad nightmares."

"I will, dear. Night, Jamie."

"Night."

She closed the door quietly and picked up a dreamless sleep potion from the living room. Going back into the spare room, she saw that Sirius was already asleep, sprawled on top of the covers. She shook her head affectionately, smiling. She was glad she'd given him the once-over with the drying charm before they came upstairs. Quietly, she put the pyjamas on a chair by the end of the bed and walked over to him. He was asleep peacefully _now_ , but she knew that nightmares would kick in tonight if he didn't have the dreamless sleep.

"Sirius?" She whispered. "Come on, love, lift your head up a bit,"

He opened his eyes slightly and she smiled at him. "Just drink this, then you can go back to sleep,"

He propped himself up on one arm, taking the potion and mumbling a "Thanks". Drinking it quickly, he handed it back to her, and she took it as he laid his head back down on the bed. She took the duvet and covered him with it, deciding it didn't matter if he was fully clothed.

"It was just a dreamless sleep potion, nothing to worry about," She assured him. She sat beside him, smoothing his hair down as he drifted off back to sleep, and then left the room silently as his breathing became steadier and deeper. Collapsing beside her husband in bed, she fell asleep herself almost instantly. It had been quite an eventful night, but they could deal with all that in the morning.

* * *

 **Thanks for reading! There will be another chapter (or perhaps 2) after this, which I will try to upload soon again. The PoV switched a lot during this one, so I hope it made sense. I hope you enjoyed reading it. :)**


	5. Reconciliation

**Thank you to Savita, KamiKaze Black, Training to be a Fangirl, a guest, Paladil, and _especially_ Remus-Chocolade for your reviews!**

 **I am so so sorry this took so long to update! For some reason I thought I'd already posted it. I had to kind of write it in short bursts because I've had tons of college work to do. Anyway, this chapter is rather long, I hope you enjoy it.**

* * *

James woke early (well, early by a teenager's standards), and put on his glasses. Being a Sunday, both his parents were home, and the smell of bacon and eggs was wafting up to his room. He smiled. It smelled so homely, this was one of the smells that almost made him not want to go back to Hogwarts. Almost.

James was missing his friends terribly. Peter was in Ireland so they didn't write much as letters took forever to get there, and Remus didn't have his own owl, so they had to use James' owl, who was getting quite old and got tired out so they sometimes had to let it rest for a day or two between letters. And Sirius...

Suddenly the events of last night came flooding back to him. Someone knocking at the door in the middle of the night. His mother healing his once best friend on the couch downstairs. James telling her to give him a dreamless sleep potion. Sirius was in the room next door.

Immediately, James picked up two pieces of paper and scribbled out the same message on both.

 _Dear Moony and Wormtail,_

 _Sirius showed up at mine last night, at midnight. I didn't actually talk to him or anything, but he was pretty beat up, my mum had to heal him and apparently he'd been flying for hours in the rain. He ran away from home, and I think his parents must have done something pretty bad, because he's still all shaky and they took his wand and, well, he must've run away for a reason, right? He said they Crucio'd him, when he was talking to mum. It didn't look like he was lying._

 _Anyway, what do you think I should do? I mean, obviously we're still mad at him, after what happened with Snape, right? Only, I dunno. I am still pissed off about it but I don't feel so mad any more. And after this, I feel bad just ignoring him and stuff still. I mean, he pretty much doesn't have anyone right now. I just dunno what to do. What do you guys think?_

 _Get back to me as quick as you can._

 _Prongs_

He added a P.S. on Remus' letter, asking if his owl could rest there for the day, and tied the letters to the little owl's legs, looking at her apologetically and giving her a treat.

She flew off out of the window, and although he knew it would take a while for Peter's reply to come, he knew Remus would probably reply that very day with an owl his father borrowed from the ministry. He was good like that, Moony. If it was urgent, he would find a way.

Satisfied, James made his way downstairs, breathing in the smell of his mothers cooking. He opened the door into the kitchen and stopped when he saw Sirius sitting at the table.

"Morning, Jamie! Would you like some bacon? It's almost ready, sit down, love." Euphemia said, turning around and smiling at him.

"Yeah, please, mum." He said, hesitating before sitting down at the table. He looked at Sirius, who looked away. Well, James wasn't about to try and make awkward conversation, so they sat there in silence. Luckily his mother came over a minute or so later with three plates, piled high with bacon, eggs, tomatoes, mushrooms, and ketchup.

James dug in as his mother talked happily to them, trying to ease the tension.

"So, I think the rain will stop by this afternoon, all clear for you to go flying, if you want to."

"Yeah, I probably will," James replied with his mouth full. Sirius tensed up, thinking Mrs. Potter was going to yell at him for it, but she just shook her head and said "chew your food, Jamesie," affectionately.

James rolled his eyes and swallowed his food before continuing. "I'll see if dad wants to come out as well. Where is he?"

"He just had to drop by at Diagon Alley and Muggle London for a bit, he'll be back soon," Mrs. Potter said.

"Oh, he went to Muggle London without me?"

"You were asleep, love,"

"But still," James complained mildly. He didn't really mind that much, but he did love going into Muggle towns and marvelling at all the stuff they had. He loved listening to their music in the record shop, and had especially enjoyed a band called The Who, coming to the conclusion that Muggle music was about a million times better than the music they had in the wizarding world. He knew Sirius particularly enjoyed it. At first he had listened to it purely to piss off his parents, but as he listened to more and more bands and genres, he found he was really very fond of it, and James had laughed at him when he stuck a Ramones poster up in his Hogwarts dorm.

"I'm sure he'll take you next time," Euphemia said. "What about you, Sirius? You like Muggle stuff as much as James does?"

Sirius nodded, looking up from his plate, and James noticed he had barely eaten anything. "Yeah, Muggles are pretty fascinating," He said.

"They certainly are. I took Muggle studies in Hogwarts, but Muggle technology has progressed so much since then. Goodness, I don't know how I'd get by without magic, now."

"What about great-uncle Marius?" James asked. "He's a squib, it must suck being around magic all the time but not being able to do it."

"Ah, but I suppose he has the best of both worlds," Euphemia contemplated. "He can properly assimilate with Muggles, but he can also adapt to our culture too."

"True," James said, nodding. But he still thought he would rather be able to do magic.

"So, what are you two going to do today?"

"Dunno," James replied, and Sirius shrugged.

"Sounds like a fun day," Euphemia said, sarcastically. "Well, I have a few potions to brew today, so I won't be around to offer much entertainment. In fact, I'd better get a start on one of them now, it takes 8 hours to mature properly."

Euphemia carried her plate over to the sink. She could just magic it clean, but for some reason she enjoyed washing up the Muggle way, which James just could not get his head around.

"Are you going to eat a little more, Sirius?" She asked, coming back over to the table and picking up James' plate. "You haven't eaten very much."

"I'm just not really that hungry, I'm sorry." Sirius replied.

"It's alright, you've done fine," She replied, vanishing the food with a swish of her wand and picking up his plate too. "Don't worry about it, I didn't expect you to be very hungry anyway," She reassured him.

"Thanks," He said, as Mrs. Potter smiled at him.

She dropped the plates in the sink and left the kitchen, going into the room she used to brew potions. James wasn't allowed in there any more since he'd once tried to brew liquid luck and had exploded half the room and wasted half the potion ingredients.

So that left James and Sirius in the kitchen, standing in an awkward silence.

"Uhh-" Sirius began, not knowing what to say. He had never been lost for words with James before. "I'm sorry for just turning up like this."

"It's alright, I'm not mad about that."

"Oh."

They descended into the awkward silence again. James ran his hand through his hair and Sirius rubbed at a bruise under his eye.

"Sirius..."

"Yeah?"

"This doesn't mean I'm just going to forgive you about the whole thing with Snape."

Sirius looked away. He had anticipated this. He was pretty sure James would never forgive him for it.

"I know." He replied. James sighed.

"Why did you do it, Sirius?"

"I just- it wasn't- I didn't mean to," Sirius said, stumbling over his words a bit.

"Just explain to me exactly what happened. You might be able to explain it better now without Dumbledore and McGonagall listening in."

"Okay," Sirius replied, running his hand through his hair. He was glad James was giving him the chance to explain it again, because obviously when talking about it in front of Dumbledore he couldn't mention their animagus forms and he had to keep some stuff quiet, so it wasn't an accurate explaination. There was also the fact that his mind had been racing at the time. "So... I went down to the kitchens, remember? And I was almost there, but then Snape came out of the shadows and asked what I was doing there on my own. I said something like 'I could say the same for you,' and then he started going on about how he always sees us walking around school,"

James nodded. Snape was always following them around, snivelly little stalker he was.

"Then he said it was the full moon tonight, and asked where Moon- I mean, Remus, was. He was hinting pretty hard that he knew about Remus being a werewolf and stuff." Sirius continued. "I acted like I didn't know what he was on about, but then he called Remus a- well, he called him a monster. And I just flipped, you know how I get. I yelled at him to shut up."

"He called him a monster?" James asked, a wave of anger washing over him.

"Yeah. So then he said 'I'll figure out where you're going every full moon, you're always hanging around the willow,' and he was going on about how he'd have us all expelled. And I was still pissed off, and I said something like 'you wouldn't see the knot if it was right under your massive nose,' and then he put two and two together and ran off before I could stop him."

"So he just kind of figured it out?"

"I think so. I know I still shouldn't've told him, though."

James nodded absent mindedly, thinking. He knew Sirius wouldn't have told him exactly how to get in, and he felt relieved that his friend wasn't as bad as he'd thought. This explainatio made much more sense to him.

Still, that wasn't to say he'd forgiven him. He had still told him that there was a knot there, given Snape the crucial piece of information. Snape would've died if James hadn't ran in and grabbed him. Moony would've died too, at the hands of the Ministry. The anger from a moment ago filled James again.

"It doesn't change the fact that Snape AND Moony could've died because of your stupid mistake."

"I know."

"Or what if Moony had bitten Snape? Do you know how guilty he would feel?"

"I _know_ , James, you don't think it's all I've been thinking about for the past two weeks?"

"Yeah? Well it's probably all Remus has been bloody thinking about, too! It was too close a call, Sirius. You're such an idiot."

"I know." He replied, sighing.

James let his shoulders slump as the anger drained from him. He had always had a quick temper and never stayed angry very long, unlike Sirius, who got very angry very quickly and stayed that way until someone calmed him down, or until he had walked around the castle at least twice. When he was angry, he pretty much lost control, and Remus had always joked about how that temper would land him in Azkaban one day. Remus' anger was a kind of calm anger that wasn't very forward, and he held on to it for an hour or so before sighing and going back to his usual self. Peter's anger was even less direct, he would sit glaring at everyone who dared cross him, actually in quite a similar way to Sirius, but of course, neither of them could see the similarities.

Remus' letter was taking absolutely too long to arrive. He wished impatiently that there was an easier way to contact Remus and just talk to him right now, and then he thought back to Muggle Studies class. Wasn't there something Muggles used to talk to each other over long distances? Oh, but what was it _called?_ A telly- felly- a telly fone? Was that it? He knew Remus had one, his mother, being a Muggle born, liked to keep one around to contact her parents and other family. He had the number for it scribbled on a bit of parchment in his room somewhere, and he ran up to grab it, leaving Sirius alone at the table. _Mum said he'd be a bit touchy for the next few days, but he seems fine to me,_ James thought.

He grabbed the scrap of parchment and a handful of the Muggle money his mum kept in a jar in the hallway (as he had seen his mother do the same thing), and went out into the street, wishing he'd brought a hoodie as the rain was coming down fast. He ran quickly into the shelter of the telephone ("Oh, that's what it's called," he said aloud after seeing the sign on the wall above) box and dialled the number.

The phone didn't do anything and James wondered if it was broken, but then he saw a hole on the wall where the phone hung labelled "Coin Slot". He shoved in all the Muggle coins he had and dialled the number again, and after a minute of strange noises, he heard a woman's voice on the other end.

"Hello?" She said.

" **HELLO? IS- THIS- REMUS'- MUM?** " James yelled into the phone, startling an elderly woman who was walking by with her shopping.

"Who is this?" The woman on the other end asked. "Why are you yelling?"

" **THIS- IS- JAMES- POTTER-** " He shouted again. " **IS- REMUS- THERE?** "

He could practically hear her rolling her eyes as she passed the phone over to Remus.

"Prongs? I could hear you yelling over the phone from way across the room, what's up?"

" **MOONY- I- NEED- TO- TALK-** "

" **STOP SHOUTING,** "

" **YOU- MEAN- I- DON'T- NEED- TO- SHOUT- TO- MAKE- THIS- THING- WORK?** "

" **NO, YOU BLOODY DON'T, JUST SPEAK NORMALLY!** "

"Like this? Can you hear me?"

"Yes, that's much better. Don't they teach this stuff in Muggle Studies?"

"Er... well, I wasn't paying the most attention..."

Remus sighed and James knew he was shaking his head in the way he did when he disapproved of something. "Anyway," He asked. "What's the matter? Why didn't you just write?"

"You didn't get my letter yet?"

"No, I haven't gotten one."

"It's- well, it's about Sirius. He showed up at my house last night around midnight," James began. "He'd flown for hours, through that storm, and he showed up here and he was pretty beat up."

"What happened?"

"He ran away from home. Apparently both his parents were pretty mean to him, from what I heard when he was talking to my mum. I was just sat on the stairs, so I didn't really talk to him."

"He ran away?"

"Yeah. Only thing he brought with him was his broom. They even took his wand. Mum spent over an hour healing him."

"Bloody hell,"

"I know, that's what I was thinking," James said.

"Thing is, it's- it's kind of awkward, we're still mad at him, right?"

"I'm not so mad any more, just- well. I'm just dissapointed. I guess I feel let down."

"I asked him about what happened that night,"

"Oh, James, you didn't,"

"Yeah, why not?"

"He's just ran away from home," Remus said, exasparated. "Do you really think he's up to all the questioning right now? He probably feels like shit. He doesn't have anyone, James. He's all alone."

"Oh." James said, taking in this information. Remus was always the most tactful, the best at reading people. "Oops,"

"You're damn right, oops,"

"Well, anyway, he told me exactly what happened. He didn't actually tell Snivellus where the knot was, he just said something like 'you wouldn't see the knot if it was right under your nose', and Snape put two and two together. He'd been following us for weeks and saw us hanging out around the Willow. He'd also pretty much figured out you're a werewolf."

"Wh-what?! He figured it out?! What if other people figured it out too, Prongs, shit, wh-"

"Don't worry about it, Moony, Snape only figured it out because he's been following us everywhere since we started this bloody school. Nobody else has done that," James reassured him.

"Okay, okay," Remus said, panic slowly leaving his voice. "So, Sirius _didn't_ tell him where the knot was?"

"No, he just let slip that there _was_ one, and I guess Snape figured out that you have to press it to get through."

"Oh, wow, that's- not as bad as I thought, actually."

"But just think what could've happened! I mean, what if I hadn't got there in time? Or Snape had told everyone? Or if he'd gotten to the end of-"

"Prongs, you can't place all the blame on Sirius. I mean, he didn't mean to tell Snape, by the sounds of it. If anyone, Snape would've been to blame for telling everyone."

"I guess, but thanks to his slip up, Snape could've-"

"Yeah, _could've_. It didn't happen. I suppose-" Remus sighed that tired sigh that made him sound about 20 years older than he really was. "I suppose we can't blame him for the what-if's."

James nodded. That made sense. "Yeah, I suppose you're right. So- you forgive him, then?"

"Yeah. Well, I'll have to talk to him first, but I suppose so. Do you?"

"I don't know, yet. I've been ignoring him for the most part, since he got here. I think I'll sort of- stay kind of mad for another day or so, y'know, so we're not letting him off too easily."

"What happened with his parents, anyway? Why did he run away?"

"They- they both Crucio'd him."

"WHAT?!"

"He said so last night when he was telling my parents what happened. He seemed kind of reluctant to admit it, and it didn't seem like he was lying,"

"And you've been ignoring him?"

"Well, yeah, I mean, we can't just forgive him straight away because of this, right?"

"Oh, James, you bloody idiot," Remus growled. He often used James instead of Prongs when he was annoyed. "This is a hell of a lot more important than some stupid grudge we have with him,"

James felt kind of guilty. Kind of really guilty.

"Did you say anything else to him?" Remus asked flatly.

"Umm... well, I kind of shouted at him a bit and called him an idiot earlier..."

"Oh, _Merlin_ , Prongs," Remus said.

"He seems fine," James protested weakly.

"You know what he's like, Prongs, if the whole world was burning around him he'd put on a straight face and act like nothing was bloody wrong."

James made a noise that Remus took to mean he was regretting everything he'd said to Sirius.

"It's alright, he won't blame you," Remus said. "And maybe he really is fine. It's just that, well, in those circumstances, I don't know how fine I'd be."

"I guess you're right. I'd better go, anyway, before this phone runs out of money," James said, wishing he could keep talking to Remus for hours. He really missed his friends. "Seeya, Moony,"

"Oh, hey, Prongs, before you go,"

"Yeah?"

"Why did Sirius get mad at Snape? What'd he do?"

"Well... Snape called you a monster. So obviously Sirius flipped."

"Oh," Remus said. "Obviously."

"Seeya, Moony,"

"Bye, Prongs,"

Remus hung up and James, not sure what he was meant to do with the phone, just let it hang from the string and ran back to his house. The rain was still coming down heavily, making puddles in the gutters and on the road. When he got inside he cast a quick drying charm over himself and went upstairs, rehersing in his mind what he was going to say to Sirius. _Look, I'm sorry for what I said before, that was uncalled for._ That sounded okay. When he got outside the door to the spare room, he hesitated, took a deep breath, and went in.

"Look, I- Sirius?" He stopped short.

Sirius was sitting on the floor by the bed, with his head in his hands. He was shaking every now and then and although it was hard to see, James thought it looked like he was biting his lip and trying not to cry. No, he couldn't be crying, he was fine earlier. Unless Remus was right. James hesitated, but when he heard Sirius let out a quiet sob, he ran over without even thinking, sitting down beside his once best friend and putting his hand on his shoulder. "Siri?"

Sirius flinched and tensed up, looking at James briefly before looking back down. His eyes were red from crying and his cheeks were flushed and James felt absolutely awful. In an instant, he forgot all about the Willow Incident and everything that had happened over the past two weeks.

"Sirius, what's the matter? What's wrong?"

He didn't answer and just cried harder, covering his face with his hands, and honestly, James was a little shocked. _More_ than a little shocked. He had never, ever, seen Sirius let down his guard this much with him. Taking out his wand, he muttered "Accio tissues," and watched as a box of tissues from downstairs came flying up. He caught them effortlessly (thanks to years of Quidditch) and put them down next to Sirius.

He rubbed his back with his hand just because that was something his mother did when he was crying, and tried again.

"What's up?" He said, in a more gentle voice.

"It's all- everything- it's all _gone_ , James," He said in barely more than a whisper. James was kind of confused.

"What's gone?"

"I don't have anything, I, I don't even have a _wand_ ," He said, his voice wavering at the end. "I don't have any of my stuff, I don't have a _family_ any more, I don't even have a place to _live_ ,"

James wasn't sure what to say. He hadn't really thought about how much Sirius had really lost. He doesn't have anyone, James, Remus' words came back to him. He's all alone. Suddenly the gravity of that situation hit him. Pretty much Sirius' entire life had just crumbled.

"What the fuck am I gonna do, James?" He said, grey eyes staring into hazel as if he expected James to be able to come up with the solution. Usually, out of the Marauders, James was the one to quickly and easily solve any problem they would have. But James felt lost. He didn't know what Sirius was going to do about his stuff. He didn't know how he was going to get his wand back. He didn't know how things would go with his family. He didn't know how to make everything okay.

But there was one thing he could help.

"Well, you don't have to worry about having nowhere to live, you'll live with us, yeah?"

"What?"

"You can live with us, seriously, that would be awesome,"

"I can't just- I can't just move in like that, it wouldn't be fair,"

"'Course it would! I'm pretty sure mum wants you to live here anyway, she loves having two kids around. And I'd love having you around, I get so bored here on my own."

"I thought you hated me," Sirius said in a quiet voice, looking back down at the ground.

"I don't hate you, Padfoot, I was just mad. But I'm not mad any more," James said, forgetting all about what he'd said before.

"I'm really sorry, James," Sirius said, sniffing.

"I know you are, Padfoot," James said in what he hoped was a soothing voice. "I know."

They sat in silence for a few moments, listening to the clock tick on the wall. But this time, it wasn't a tense silence like earlier.

"I'm sorry about what I said before." James said eventually. Sirius nodded.

"It's okay," He said, and then looked away. "Did you really mean it when you said-"

"Said what?"

Sirius hesitated for a minute. "When you said I'm just like them? Just like my family?"

"No! No, I didn't, you're _nothing_ like them, I was just mad," James said, regretting saying that so much. "I promise. You're way better than them, that's why you're a Gryffindor!"

"She said she hates me," Sirius said, his eyes glazing over as if he was repeating the entire conversation in his head. "Mother, that is. Well, she didn't say hate, because they don't just speak like normal bloody people. She said she detests me."

James thought he could detect a little bitterness in Sirius' tone. He wasn't really sure what to say. He hated Sirius' parents, for making his best friend feel like shit. Sirius had never let it get to him before, or at least he had never really shown any signs of it getting to him, but James supposed that yesterday had just pushed him over the edge.

"Ignore them, mate, you never have to see them ever again if you don't want."

"I just, I don't get it, Prongs," He said, quietly. "I don't get why- I mean, I could sort of deal with the beatings and everything, you know? But I just don't get why- why they hate me so much." His voice broke at the end and James pulled him into a hug without thinking, as Sirius cried on his shoulder.

"Fuck them, Padfoot, they're a bunch of slimy gits and you're not like them. You got out of there." James said, willing Sirius to understand that. "They're closed-minded, they don't like anyone that isn't just like them. You're better off without them, mate."

Sirius didn't reply but it didn't matter. They sat like that for a little while, James didn't know exactly how long. At some point, Euphemia walked past and looked in, but only James saw her as she smiled at him and mouthed "you did the right thing, love," silently.

* * *

Peter was bored. Ireland was great and all, but he missed the magic of Hogwarts, the late night snacks, and the pranks on Slytherins. He missed James and Remus. He couldn't even go visit either of them because his mum said floo-ing overseas was dangerous, which Peter thought was totally stupid. He sighed, looking up from his book and staring out of the window. It was raining, so they couldn't even go out. Suddenly, he saw a shadowed blur moving towards him. Then the blur became an outline, the outline became a bird shape, and the bird shape became an owl. A ministry owl, by the looks of it. Peter opened the window quickly and the owl flew in, ruffling his feathers importantly as he landed on the wardrobe. Peter untied the two letters attached to its leg, opening the small one first. It looked like Remus' handwriting.

 _Wormtail,_

 _The other letter is from James, I had to send it with a ministry owl because his owl is in absolutely no condition to fly all the way to Ireland. She's at my house. Anyway, I had to use my dad's ministry owl to send this, so could you just give him a treat and let him rest there for a few hours before you send him back? Hope you're having a good summer, I'll see you next week._

 _Moony._

Peter looked up at the owl, who was now pecking at a bowl of cereal on the desk. Rooting through his bag, he grabbed a few owl treats and tossed them over, and the owl ate them gratefully. He sat back down, tearing open the other letter.

 _Dear Moony and Wormtail,_

 _Sirius showed up at mine last night, at midnight. I didn't actually talk to him or anything, but he was pretty beat up, my mum had to heal him and apparently he'd been flying for hours in the rain. He ran away from home, and I think his parents must have done something pretty bad, because he's still all shaky and they took his wand and, well, he must've run away for a reason, right? He said they Crucio'd him, when he was talking to mum. It didn't look like he was lying._

 _Anyway, what do you think I should do? I mean, obviously we're still mad at him, after what happened with Snape, right? Only, I dunno. I am still pissed off about it but I don't feel so mad any more. And after this, I feel bad just ignoring him and stuff still. I mean, he pretty much doesn't have anyone right now. I just dunno what to do. What do you guys think?_

 _Get back to me as quick as you can._

 _Prongs_

Peter narrowed his eyes. He didn't want James to forgive Sirius, no matter what had happened. I was finally rid of Sirius, and now this happens, he thought, gloomily. He was happy being in a 3-person group, he was paid more attention, and since Sirius had left they hadn't pulled any pranks, which meant Peter hadn't gotten a single detention. In a group of 3, he wasn't sidelined either. He didn't feel like he was tagging along. And Sirius was always the member of the group he'd liked the least, partly because he took his place as James' best friend for granted, and partly because he knew, deep down, he was probably just like his family, like his cousins who always shoved Peter in the halls and called him fat.

But now he's run away from them, Peter thought. Why on earth would anyone run away from that? The Black family were incredibly wealthy, and thought Peter had never been to his house before, he imagined it was huge, probably with a pool or something, with masses of space to run around in. He wasn't sure what it looked like as Sirius was always really vague when talking about home, even when talking about his family. He'd said his parents didn't like him very much, but in Peter's opinion, that was bullshit, because almost everyone at school liked bloody Sirius Black, so he guessed his parents did too. Which brought him back to the letter. James said he thought Sirius' parents had done something 'pretty bad' to Sirius, but what could that be? Probably just took his broom off him or something stupid, Peter thought. Sirius was always so dramatic, he'd probably thrown a tantrum and run off. He knew what Sirius could be like. And maybe, Peter thought, just maybe he deserved being Crucio'd. It'd put him in his place, at least. Picking up some paper and a quill, he started writing back to James.

 _To Prongs,_

 _Don't forgive him. Who cares how beat up he is? He probably just fell off his broom or something, he always hurts himself in Quiddich, why should this be any different? He probably ran away for some stupid reason too, probably just had a small argument with his parents. We're still mad at him for what he did to Moony, remember._

 _And no wonder they used Crucio on him, you know how he can get._

 _Just ignore him, Prongs, I thought you said you were never going to speak to him again?_

 _From Wormtail_

He folded it up and was about to tie it to the owl's leg, when another owl came swooping through the window. Peter recognised it as James' mum's owl, and, confused, he untied the letter from her leg.

 _Wormtail,_

 _Just writing to let you know what's happening with Sirius, I'm guessing you got my last letter not too long ago. Anyway, everything should be back to normal now, and Sirius is going to live with me. I talked to Moony on the teller phone and he said it was the right thing to do, so you probably agree, right?_

 _I sent this with my mum's owl because my owl isn't home yet, can you give her a treat? Anyway, I hope your holiday is going well. To be honest, I was kind of bored until Sirius showed up. We'll be back at Hogwarts soon, I think we should pull a huge prank on the first day to remind everyone that the Marauders are back, yeah? Start thinking of ideas._

 _Prongs._

Peter rolled his eyes and, picking up the letter he had just finished writing, he scrunched it up and threw it in the bin. So that's it, he thought. Back to just tagging along and putting up with that arrogant git.

Sigh.

* * *

 **There was a lot of dialogue in this chapter, so I hope it didn't drag too much. Thank you for reading! There will be one more chapter after this, a kind of epilogue of sorts, which I will try to upload much sooner than this one.**


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